So, there we have it. The entire cast. And all I care about is Cassi. And that Dom seems funny. And that Evel Dick is destined to murder Rachel after having to hear her hyena laugh every day for the next few months. But, I’m fairly certain the highlight of this season will be Cassi sunbathing on a daily basis. Don’t worry, everyone, I’ll keep my bias to myself and blog this show evenly. It won’t be all Cassi, all the time!!!!!!!
On to the HOH Competition, which is called “Going Bananas.”
The premise is for each competitor to wrap themselves around a giant, plush banana, hanging from some contraption in the sky, for as long as they possibly can. Last one on their banana is the winner. These competitions always favor the women, who tend to have stronger thigh muscles than men (I’ll leave that joke alone with the likes of Rachel and Porsche involved).
Wait, they just showed Cassi in spandex pants. Ok, I’m over it (meaning, wait they just showed her again…ok, really I’m over it now).
Within minutes of being suspended on the bananas, the houseguests are sprayed with “chocolate.” Shelly goes down almost immediately. She then said that her and Cassie agreed to not win the first HOH. Yeah, I’m sure that’s the reason you fell so quickly, being the outdoorswoman you claim to be.
After her, Jordan, Keith, my girl Cassi, and Lawon all slip off their bananas. It seems almost ridiculous that I’m blogging about people sliding off of “bananas” sprayed with chocolate. Mom, I made it!! Be proud.
Dom complains about Adam “shoving his bald head up my butt.” Yeah, I think I’m going to enjoy him on this season. Adam then drops, followed by Jeff, then Dom’s greased up butt drops from his banana, as well.
Then, we get a gratuitous shot of Brendon saying he’s slipping, then uttering “I love you” to Rachel, then falling. Maybe I’ve been married for too long (4 years is a LONG time), but falling off of a banana in some stupid game show competition doesn’t seem to constitute an “I love you.” Am I wrong or am I wrong? No, I’m right.
Kalia drops next, and is the last to drop before everyone is sprayed with “whipped cream.” Left “standing” are Porsche (the lone remaining newbie), Dick, Danielle, and Rachel. It’s looking good for Dick and Danielle to be staying safe from eviction this week, unless Porsche’s pole-gripping prowess comes in handy here.
Nope. Porsche drops to the disappointment of Adam, who couldn’t rely on himself to win, but wanted her to win it so that the newbies would be safe. Sorry buddy, wrap yourself in a towel and have a pickled martini, why don’t you!!
Dick works a deal with Rachel that if him and Danielle drop, she’ll keep them safe. Rachel agrees and Dick drops. Danielle is reluctant, but eventually drops, too.
And, Rachel is our first HOH! Congrats to you and your boobs!
Oh, wait, there was a shot of Cassi covered in chocolate…and still in spandex pants.
Julie appears on the big screen inside the house and the houseguests rush to the room to hear her tell them there is another twist. That twist is that being nominated is both a “blessing and a curse.” The person nominated, but NOT evicted, will be given the Big Brother Golden Key. The Golden Key means that person is safe until the final 10 contestants are left. They will not be allowed to participate in any competitions, will still have an eviction vote, but cannot be nominated for eviction until only 10 players remain. Nice one, Big Brother. Me likey. I think this is a good twist that will definitely have the first few HOHs thinking more and not just voting out the first person that comes to mind. Rachel actually had a good thought when she ended the show with “you’re not playing for who you can get rid of, you’re really playing for who you’re keeping.” True and not. The biggest mistake people make on this show is playing too much into the “twists” and “unexpectedness.” Just play the people in front of you. If you want to get so-and-so out, get them out. Don’t plan ahead by saying you can get rid of them another time and that you’d rather wait until this point, just do it now. There’s no time like the present.
And, with that, episode 1 is in the books. The Big Brother Voice returns to preview what we can expect to see this season on Big Brother. And…
…no, I won’t mention the second-long screenshot of Cassi in her swimsuit. Get a life, people.
On Sunday, we’ll find out who Rachel nominates. On Wednesday, we’ll see who wins the Power of Veto, and if it is used (I’ll be interested to see how this works and if the POV is used, does the entire duo come off the block or just one member?). And, on Thursday, we’ll be back for the live eviction. I will be writing two weekly blog-ups, one on Monday’s and another on Friday’s (covering Weds & Thurs episodes). So, come back and read it each week. I promise to get more funny and less creepy. Or is it less funny and more creepy. I haven’t made up my mind yet.
Feel free to comment. I have all day to respond. Or email me at ScottOttersen@yahoo.com. I have all day to respond to those, as well. You can find me on Facebook, as well; http://facebook.com/ScottOttersen is the link. You can’t find me on Twitter, however. I refuse to take part in anything that Ashton Kutcher helped make popular. Can’t do it. Unless…(maybe a special shout-out to the person who guesses what it would take)
Peace,
Scott
I feel the same about Rachael. I told a friend if she and Bredon are soon voted off, I’m going to quit watching. I like you DVR – can’t stand the suspense of watching Rachael and Bredon with out being able to fast forward. What’s up with Bredon’s knees – did he fall down and go boom. I’ll vote for you if you ever get on
Tottles
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