Written by:
Scott Ottersen
Email: ScottOttersen@yahoo.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/ScottOttersen
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/ChokeOnMyBlog
I wanted to start off by addressing the death threats that Shelly’s (I had to go against my word and mention her name because this is serious) family and workplace are receiving. Seriously, people make me sick. I’m disgusted by a lot of things that people do in this world, but come on, we’re lowering ourselves to making death threats against someone who participated in a reality TV competition? No matter how much fun I poke at her in this blog, I would have nothing but nice things to say to her if we ever crossed paths, because I know that this is just a game and we’re all going to get over it. But, to take things to the extreme where you go out and find her phone number, call it, and make a violent threat against her, her husband, and her 8 year old daughter. I can tell you this as a father, if I was away for a few months and came home to find out that some jackass called my house and threatened the life of my wife and baby girl, I would do everything in my power to find out who it was that called and I’d be making my own phone call back to you. Except, I’d be calling you from your front doorstep and would ask you to make those same threats to my face. Don’t threaten the lives of kids. That’s something you don’t do. But, I sincerely hope that nobody that reads this blog is one of those people who did such a stupid thing. If you did, I want you to know that you are a disgusting human being and I want you to stop reading my blog immediately. I want no part of you or anything you do. Please stop this nonsense. Big Brother is a fun TV show competition that I want to stay around and people doing dumb things like this may cause CBS to think twice about airing certain events going on in the house, so don’t ruin this for everyone else because you’re a f*cking moron. Rant over.
Secondly, come on, I know we can do better than 46 followers on Twitter!! I know I have more than 46 readers who are on Twitter. Just follow me, you have nothing to lose. I will promise that if I get up to 100 followers by end of day Sunday, I will tweet something crazy every day of next week. We’ll call it the 100 Tweet Special. The way my mind works, you’re going to want to hear some of the stuff that comes out of it, so just follow me on Twitter. Seriously, I’m not asking that much. Boost my ego a bit. I’d appreciate it. Or, just tell your friends and family to follow me so they can see some crazy ass tweets for a few days.
All right, well on to the episode, where we get Porsche smiling to the camera for the first 10 minutes of the episode as she walks around and pretends she regrets opening Pandora’s Box. Listen, sweetheart, if you’re going to tell everyone you’re sorry you did it and you wish you didn’t do it, you probably shouldn’t be smiling. Just a suggestion. You were right to open it, because you know damn well everyone else would have done it, too. You aren’t guaranteed anything in the game, so the thought of taking guaranteed money is something everyone in the house would do when it’s only down to the final 6 and you might go home the very next week. I’d much rather leave the game with $5,000 in hand because I opened Pandora’s Box than to leave empty-handed because I got sent home the next week, anyways, since I do kind of suck at this game. Hold your titties up high this week, Porsche. You did well. Oh wait, they don’t move anyways, so just hold them still.
Rachel is excited about the duo twist coming back, because it means all that has to happen is her or Jordan win Veto and they are safe…and then they get to control who goes home since there will only be 3 votes this week. But, anyone else notice how Jordan didn’t seem excited at all? I think she’s ready for it to all be over. Like she said later in the episode, I think she’s near her breaking point and she just wants out of the house. She already won the game a few seasons ago, so she doesn’t have that same fire everyone else does inside to win the game. I think it’s because of that reason she’ll end up in the Final 3. Probably with Kalia and Adam.
I enjoyed how Kalia was talking about how upset she was at Porsche for opening Pandora’s Box for only $5,000 and possibly screwing up their plan for the week, but when Porsche told her that she won $5,000 as well, she was all smiles and hugging Porsche and happy. I think Kalia is rising the list of houseguests that most disgust me. Not because of anything that she’s really done, but just the feeling I get from knowing that she’s winning things in the house and will probably end up winning this season. If that does happen, I don’t think I’ll write a blog about the finale. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t have the strength for that.
Rachel and Jordan get nominated. SHOCKERRRR!!!!! And, quick tangent here. Two things. First, I’ve always hated the way that houseguests “thank” the HOH after they pull their key out. I think that’s a stupid practice and I’d like to see someone break the trend next season and just never do it. There is no point, why thank them? Their decision wasn’t more about who to keep, but who to nominate. I’d accept something like “Thank God” or “That was a close one.” But, stop thanking people like Porsche and Kalia for not nominating you, especially if you’re not in their alliance. Second, I’m waiting for the HOH to start making truthful nomination speeches. I know that you try and not ruffle feathers when you are in the house, but when you say things like “Everyone has come to me this week and talked to me except you” everyone knows you’re full of sh*t. Just say, “You two idiots are the obvious choices for me to nominate, because as you can see, we’re all four in an alliance and you two are not in that alliance, so we’re trying to vote your asses out this week. Simple as that. Thanks for playing.” I’d like to think if I were in the house, I’d respect someone telling me this when they nominated me, rather than something like, “I respect you as a player and want to see you fight to try and stay in the house” and then come home and watch the shows and hear you talk all kinds of sh*t about how I suck at the game and you can’t wait to send my ass out the door.
Comment of the night goes to Jordan with, “Rachel’s the worst at talking to people.” Zing.
Jordan and Rachel offer Kalia and Porsche a Final 4 deal, which is about the only thing they can do at this point. Although, if I were Jordan and Rachel, I wouldn’t have went to them with anything. Here is the setup for the rest of this week. One duo is nominated, another duo is safe (HOH and her partner), and the last duo is the only other option to be nominees. If you are nominated and win the veto, you are then safe and the other duo is on the block and one is going home. Why make a deal with them? What’s the point? By you telling them you’d keep them safe, what are you offering? Just wait until after the HOH for the next week is over. If you win it, you’re golden, but if you lose, then you go to them with a Final 4 deal. You aren’t gaining anything by making a deal with them at this point, because you already know they’re not going to agree to that deal. I don’t know, I just think it showed weakness to go in there and offer them a deal like that. I know it’s all strategy and trying to position yourself for the next week, but there was no point to that because trying to get them to use the Veto on you would have been useless. They wouldn’t, but I guess you have to try.
In lieu of the threats against her family, I won’t mention her name but I won’t call her by any “nasty” nickname I’ve come up with for her. I ached over this for a few minutes and decided it wouldn’t be in good taste. Anyways, the older, southern lady feels terrible about Jordan not even wanting to look at her for what she did. She cries about how she’s being perceived as the only bad guy in this scenario when other people were involved. Uh, no, lady, those other people were expected to do what they did, you’re the “bad guy” because you took out a steak knife and plunged it into the back of the people who cried with when you thought they believed you might do something like this to them and you promised and promised you wouldn’t. Gee, I wonder why they don’t want to even look at you. And, look, I’ll give you the whole “I’m doing this for my family” crap, but I hate when people bring that into a game. It’s a game and your family is NOT playing in it, so they aren’t a part of your alliance. Just stick with the “I’m playing for myself” and leave it at that. Don’t try and muster up sympathy because you made a wrong move and it’s coming back to bite you in the ass. I lose respect for people when they throw things like that in my face. Not to sound harsh, but nobody cares about your family. Everyone is there trying to win a game. Everyone has family, you aren’t the only one, so shut up about them, stand up for the moves you make without trying to make people feel sorry for you because they’re mad about what you did.
Next up, we got the Veto competition. I already knew that Rachel won, so the only interesting thing that happened during this competition was Kalia farting! Oh, you do it like that? Maybe that’s a sex tip you should write in your blog. Rule #1: Do NOT fart on a man during sexual intercourse. It’s not attractive. I’ve only been a part of two situations in which I’ve heard a girl fart. One was my sister when we were kids, playing Monopoly (or some other board game). Second, was during college when we were hanging out in a friends’ apartment, heard the fart happen, then my friend and I clowned on our other guy friend in the room (it was just us 3 guys and 1 girl), but before we could finish what we were saying, the girl said “Excuse me.” I lost it. I let a chuckle out, which then caused my other friend to burst out into laughter and the rest is history. That same friend ended up dating that girl a few years later and I’m sure they enjoyed farting on each other for old time sake. I just hope they never prefaced their fun with “This one’s for Scott.” I don’t need that on my conscience.
ok is it just me or who else is team rachel at this point??? I love J/J and even jordan more than jeff as I find him a bit arrogant; quick to get mad; and I hate how he refers to himself in 3rd person; and I thought he took it a little far when kalia put him up earlier in the game, as he acted as if he was “untouchable” when in reality its just a game and you are a player like everyone else so get over your self, so anyways I have been pulling for J/J especially jordan and I was so said when jeff got voted out, but Rachel is really growing on me as it seems as though Jordan isn’t even trying in the competitions and Rachel gives it her her all. So I think I am team Rachel now; as I think to her it’s not even about the money so much; she just is obsessed with Big Brother and wants to win.
You are freakin’ HILARIOUS! I love how you point out the OMG moments that I LMAO at(like Kalia’s Urkel pants, the bedazzled jeans, etc). Thanks for starting my Mon/Fri’s on such a great note!
I am totally team Rachel at this point too. Jordan is so sweet, but I don’t think she really did anything to win. I think Rachel can win comps (especially when she has to) and she stopped being so whiny! Although, I know how personal these idiots get when they vote for a winner (think: Russell not winning Survivor when he’s the best person to ever play the game besides Boston Rob), so if Rachel/Jordan ended up in the final 2, I could see everyone voting for Jordo because they hate Rachel.
HAHAHA, I about died laughing about the man in the pink shirt, but I am sorry to say I missed that! I wish I could have seen that, I love stupid stuff like that!!
I hope Kalia goes home this week. I also found it funny Porsche wanted to take her to the final 2, what an idiot! TAKE ADAM! EVERYONE NEEDS TO TAKE ADAM!
Scott,
I thought SO many of the same thoughts watching this show. Jeff getting screwed over by Shelly was the hardest thing for me to watch this season. Just watching her tell them over and over again she was 100% with them and would never do anything like that and to turn around and do it, just pissed me off SO much. And Dani’s gloating? It’s like Sister you got backdoored and screwed over too. You’ve got no reason to gloat.
One other thought–what drives me nuts is that I guess everyone is always thinking of that jury vote and doesn’t confront with contradictions as much as I think they should! I mean, obviously these people are IN the house, surely they must have a better memory of LIES told to their faces than I have? For example, how many times did Shelly say to Jeff Jordan and others she didn’t care about winning the money…coupled that with saying she just wanted to get Jeff/Jordan to the final two over and over. Then she turns around and explains stabbing them in the back by saying that they stood in the way of Josie and Tony –her true alliance? Well that sure sounds like you DO want to win the money right? Otherwise, what was Jeff standing in the way of? And one more mention of Josie and Tony and I think I would’ve lost it. Good Riddance Shelly!
Good news Scott, Cassi is going to appear on The Bold and The Beautiful! It should air mid October.
I loved that even Julie called Shelly out for evicting Jeff – like it was the biggest mistake ever made on BIg Brother – LOL.. On another note, I have never been a Rachel fan, but I am starting to pull for her. Not only is she the smartest “player” in the game, but she wins competitions !! Also I started watching some of Big Brother after Dark and realized that Rachel is actually sweet when not in competition mode, and she actually has good judgment. So now I am pulling for her. She is the only one remaining in this group who actually deserves to win. Go Rachel !!
Guy with the pink shirt. LOL. That is all I can muster up.
I am also Team Rachel. Because I like people who atleast give their ALL every time. I was bothered so much by the fact that the HOH competition lasted 13 minutes and they were walking slowly back and forth, like they were not trying to win 500,000. C’mon people! And although I love Jordan, she really should not win. She really does not “play” the game.
And it was so wonderful to see Jeff again. *Sigh*
This blog was HILARIOUS and I am warning those Twitter followers of yours, they are going to think you are as crazy as Rachel when they see your tweets. You are warned.
And, last thing, even thought I dislike Dani…I am sort of stealing her “Shocker” phrase. I find myself saying it too much…
Ok, let me say this…any news about Cassi trumps ANYTHING else. I don’t watch soap opera, but I might have to tape this and just leave the screen on pause when she appears.
Ok, onto Big Brother, I hate to say it but for right now I’m Team Rachel, because I have no other choice. I don’t like anybody else on this season, but I’d rather Rachel win than anyone else, because Jordan just doesn’t really play the game that well.
And, thanks to socalhh for thinking I’m hilarious! I am.
One last note, my wife said it best, I’m f*cking crazy and my tweets are something you won’t want to miss…follow me, dammit!
Wow, I could not disagree more with the majority of what you said. Shelly has not been useless this season. In fact, she has been a pretty good player (compared to some other people – Adam – this season). She manipulated both sides and was good with everyone until two weeks ago when she lost the trust of DPK. If you watch the live feeds, you would know that Shelly was instrumental in getting Kalia to nominate Lawon and getting him evicted instead of Rachel — a move so stupid for Kalia that it created a situation that eventually cost Dani her game and now probably Kalia’s. Shelly has pushed forward JJ’s game tremendously, but she has no obligation to push them toward the end. And voting out Jeff WAS a good move, despite what that annoying interview with Julie Chen implied afterwards. On live feeds, JJ were already planning on getting her out sooner than later, so Shelly would’ve had a better chance to make it to the end with DPK had Dani stayed, and KPA since Dani left. But because of producer interference to save JR via Pandora’s Box, Shelly got evicted.
And I really don’t understand your Jeff love. Just why is he most deserving to win Big Brother? He and Jordan basically hid behind BR for the first half of the game, while Dani and Rachel had to fight tooth and nail to stay in every week. And despite always talking about getting rid of floaters, the first chance he gets he gets out Dani, who was obviously the best competitor in the house. Dani, Brendon and Rachel are vets who were just as deserving to win based on game play (Jordan has basically done nothing this season and even she knows it…yet she constantly talks about “floaters” KP and how they haven’t done anything and don’t deserve the money. Umm…they’ve won and done more than you).
That said, despite hating Rachel and being on Team Dani till she got evicted, I do have to say that Rachel, compared to the HGs left, most deserves the win at this point. If she gets to F2 against Jordan, I hope people (looking at you Shelly and Adam) put aside their blind Jordan love and vote for Rachel. Rachel > Porsche > Kalia > Jordan > Adam
Hey Scott!
I think I’m your 100th follower on Twitter!! 😉
Lovin your blog! It’s freakin hilarious!
Team Rachel from the beginning!!!
Tonja
Dear Scott,
You had me at “Adick”. Stay irreverent, you wear it well. I agree with your comments about pretty much everything. I’m confused at how I could start out the season being annoyed that Rachel and Brendon were back, and now I find myself actually rooting for Rachel. After Jeff got voted out, she seemed genuinely sad for Jordan, and was protective and nurturing. Then you have Shelly whose every move is intended to appear motherly, until her plastic façade slips slightly and we get a glimpse at the reptilian face underneath. She can’t hide behind the “doing it for my family” excuse any more.
It would be nice to see Jordan win it again, simply because someone who did not engage in the petty backstabbing BS, and who isn’t completely self aggrandizing, should be rewarded at the end of the day. If Jeff doesn’t BEG her to marry him, he’s the biggest idiot in the world.
One correction for you, Scott: there actually is a clock in the big brother house. It’s on the stove, and it seems to be accurate because they do refer to it now and then. I watch the Showtime After-Dark feeds.
Thank you for the entertaining recaps. I’ll look forward to the next one.
Mary
I tend to disagree Dana…
1) How is Adam any different really than Shelly? Not that I think he should win by any means, they both played “both” sides. And at least Adam has won SOMETHNG, even by default or what not. Here was my problem with Shelly: She was never going to win BB period. She’s right if she made final 3 with JJ, they would have taken each other. But no one would have voted for her regardless of if she made final 2, so she just looks like a liar and backstabber for no reason.
2) If she was behind the Lawon eviction…how was that a GOOD move?? They should gotten rid of Rachel. Lawon was useless and on their side, so getting rid of him was not in their best interest.
I may be team Jeff, but I think it’s because he actually wins things, is loyal, and I like people who actually LOVE this game. It is a great concept!
Jacklyn,
1) I agree, Adam should not win BB. But despite his POV “win,” I think he still has done less than Shelly this season. Adam has never been anything more than just a vote. Shelly has at least furthered her alliance a couple of times. She was entirely a social player and was smart about fooling most people into thinking she’s the most trustworthy person. If I remember correctly, Dom came to Shelly in confidence in Week 3 and she outed Dom’s plan to Jordan and set it up for BR to throw Dani under the bus and set JJBR firmly against Dom and Dani. Up until double eviction, Shelly was with JJ 100% and just played DKP. But the thing is, if she continued to help JJ destroy DKP, she knows she’ll likely be the next to go after DKP and there’ll be little chance to get rid of Jeff again. And since she’s terrible at competitions, even if she made it to F3 with JJ, she’ll never win HOH and JJ will never take her to F2. Whereas by turning on JJ, she had a better chance of getting to the end cuz there’s a higher possibility of someone else taking her to F2. With JJ, she had no chance at money and was at best playing for F3. With the other side, she had a better chance of getting at least $50,000. At F2, she could’ve argued that she made big moves, played everyone and had a defined strategy….and who knows, maybe she would’ve walked away with the grand prize. Now, I just want to say I’m not a fan of Shelly’s at all (her inability to own up to her lies even in the DR disgusts me), but I definitely understand why she turned when she did — and it was the perfect time too until Pandora’s Box screwed her game over.
2) Yes, getting rid of Lawon was a terrible move for Kalia and Dani. But a GOOD move for Shelly because she was actually aligned with JJ all along. Shelly screwed DK by doing that and furthered her true alliance in the game.
Good job on the blog! I recently just joined twitter so I’m figuring things out, but am following you 🙂
I never thought I would say this, but I’m hoping that Rachel pulls it out and takes this thing. I dont think that anyone else in the house wants it more than her, her and “Brennon” love this game. I think she deserves it. As soon as I found out Jeff/Jordan were playing I wanted them to win.. big Jeff fan! But now that Jeff is gone, I dont see Jordan wanting it.. I think she wants to be done with the game. I cant stand Porsche something about her just irks me, I cant put my finger on it.
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