At this point, Dick decides to work his magic on Porsche. He’s trying to sway her to join the returning houseguests side because he believes she will be the easiest houseguest to manipulate. He’s probably right, seeing how he’s a “Website CEO” now. Seriously, is it someone’s job at CBS to make up career titles for these people? Can I get that job? I don’t even care what it pays, I want it. I know he started his own website and all, but “Website CEO?” Is there really such a thing? Anyone with $10 can start a website, does that mean they’re a CEO? I kinda like to think people earn that CEO title with hard work and dedication to their craft…I don’t think forking over the $10 for the naming rights to a website constitute hard work and dedication. Just my two cents.
Porsche tells Keith about Dick’s plan and how she agreed to work with them and Keith (again, dismayed by that humongous pimple on her face) smiles and agrees with her, but inside is dying to get back to his Regulator buddies and tell them all about how she’s working against them. Now, he wants to be put up for eviction so they can all vote her out. He thinks because he’s in an alliance with three other people that he’s automatically safe. I guess they don’t teach math at his church. There are still 7 or 8 other people voting (still not sure if Brendon gets to vote for eviction or not), and your partner just told you that she’s now working with the 6 other people in the house (4 or 5 of which get a vote) so the part about you automatically being safe and Porsche going home isn’t something I’m understanding. Again, just another reason why it has to be too easy to win this game.
Next up was the Have/Have Not competition. Rachel came out looking like a Dr. Seuss Paint By Numbers-looking character. And, that’s actually being nice. She explains that the Have Not’s for the week will have to sleep in a terrible room, take nothing but cold showers, and eat slop for the entire week. It’s already bad enough living with her, take away food and hot showers and that’s probably the description of hell.
They walk outside and it would appear the game is Space themed. Or, we can go by what Lawon calls it, “Space Milk Mountain.” The game basically has players diving into a milk pit and then getting expunged by their “Milk Man” on top of some cheese grater, and then having the milk pour into some jugs. I’m thinking Rachel and Porsche can win this on their own. But, Rachel isn’t playing, so Porsche’s breasts are on their own.
The producers at CBS are definitely sex-craved lunatics. First, they have the houseguests hanging on large penile-looking bananas, being shot in the face with white and brown liquid. Now, we have the “milk men” dry humping the other houseguests to squeeze milk out of them. The sexual innuendos are almost too obvious here that it’s not even funny to joke about. But, the site of Keith riding Adam like a cowboy is definitely hilarious. He almost tea-bagged him. I almost felt like having a cigarette for them.
But, I have to admit that I’m jealous of Lawon. This may be the only time I ever admit that, but that lucky bastard got to lie on top of Cassi AND choke Kalia. Not saying I enjoyed Cassi smothered in milk, but I enjoyed Cassi smothered in milk. I did. Makeup or not, sorry sweetheart.
The Blue Team was the first to finish, which means that Dick, Daniele, Jeff, and Jordan are Have’s for the week. They were followed up by the Green team, which was Adam, Dom, Keith, and Porsche. The Have Not’s are my girl Cassi (I have a feeling she can even warm up a cold shower, so she’ll be fine), Lawon, Kalia, and Shelly.
They went and looked at the Have Not room, and it was straight out of an insane asylum. Perfect for this game. It had padded walls and just four mattresses in the middle of the room. The caveat for the week is that the lights have to stay on at ALL times. No sleep for the weary, right? That probably would drive me crazy. I can’t sleep when it’s light out, so I would definitely find other places to sleep in the house. I’d be face down on the toilet if I had to be. I’d catch crabs in the eyebrows, but at least I’d be sleeping.
Hold up, Cassi was just lying on the bed in her bikini. I think I’d be ok with the lights being on the entire time now. Hold off on those eyebrow crabs.
Back to gameplay (as tough as it is after that), Dick now wants to offer Adam the same deal he did Porsche, just to get some backup in case Porsche isn’t quite with the program. Adam is a huge fan of Dick’s (the person, although with loving 90210 and martini’s, he could be talking about the thing, not the person…not that there is anything wrong with that, really) and apparently the returning houseguests think they should play on that. But, Adam thinks it’s too good to be true so he’s cautiously listening. Glad to see someone is paying attention. Big Brother is only about everything being too good to be true. Every conversation you have is heard by others, either directly or indirectly, so don’t ever believe anything is true to the moment. Go by actions, not words. You have to be able to read body language inside the Big Brother house. And, seriously, after listening to Dick give Adam their offer, I can’t imagine why Adam would pass on it? Throw the POV competition, if you win HOH don’t put us up, and vote the way we want you to vote. Really, you’d do that for me, Dick? Sure, here you go. This is how Dick won his season, so he might as well try it again, right?