BIG BROTHER – 8/5/11

Written by:
Scott Ottersen
Email: ScottOttersen@yahoo.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/ScottOttersen

Before I get started, I wanted to address the “America’s Vote” that appeared on CBS’ website, but was subsequently taken down. I’m guessing this was the big news Julie has been talking about at the past live shows that will change the game, but for some reason hasn’t just come out and told us yet. It would appear that all of the evicted houseguests are being held in sequester and we are going to get to vote on who comes back. The poll appeared on the website with pictures of Keith, Cassi, Dom, and Brendon (even though he hasn’t been voted out yet). My guess is they jumped the gun on even posting this, but the fact that Brendon’s picture was up on the poll is telling enough as to my belief that production runs this show somewhat scripted. I happen to believe they know who is going to be voted out ahead of time or even have the entire season mapped out beforehand, kind of like they do in professional wrestling. I’m not saying all of the fights and everything are “fake,” because I’d think they can only pull strings so much, but I’d bet most of the outcomes of HOH and Veto competitions are decided before the event even takes place. I’m not saying this effects how I see the show, because I still absolutely love it, but this is just something I need to know about before I die.

Anyways, with that said, would you, my loyal readers, please do me the favor of putting Cassi back in the house. Seriously, who else would you want to return? Keith? Come on now. Dom, maybe, but that doesn’t do us any good. He had a few weeks and came off as boring and uninteresting, so that won’t make this season any more enjoyable. I will kill you all if you vote Brendon back in the game. So, that leaves us with Cassi. I know some of you are annoyed with my crush on her, but just know that my desire to have her back in this game has nothing to do with how good she looks in a bikini. She really did seem like she could get something started in the house once she got a chance to actually play. She never got that chance, so I think we need to give it to her. So, come on, RealitySteve fans, let’s band together and get Cassi back in the damn house!!!

As for the episode, it starts off with Brendon telling us that if he wins Veto, he’s going to take Rachel off the block. I don’t even want to begin to discuss this, really. But, in all honesty, this is why you can’t play the game as couples when you’re a man, because “society” tells us that we need to do everything to protect our female companion and even inside a game where you can win $500,000 for YOURSELF, this is still seen as the noble thing to do. My whole thing is that my wife would just have to understand that she’s going home. Rachel should expect the same. Otherwise, why would Brendon ever even decide to come back to the game? He’s obviously not trying to win then. But, at the same time, I can’t knock him for this move, because as a man, it’s the “right” move to make.

Here goes Rachel crying in the diary room, talking about some sword being drawn (Dani made the comment that Brenchel drew the first sword during her nomination speech – glad I got to see it in the recap) and her coming back with Excalibur, which is “undefeated.” I’m not a historian, but I do remember stories about Excalibur and don’t think there was talks of it being “undefeated.” I believe it had magical powers and I also believe that if you touched it, those magical powers would be used to spontaneously combust and the sword would sacrifice itself to rid us all of you and your crying.

Oh God, now Brendon is crying. Jesus Christ you two, this is a damn game. At the very worst, if one of you is voted out this week, you’d be apart for maybe another 5-6 weeks or so. Calm down about it, ok. Stop being such damn babies, especially you, Brendon, who has talked about leaving this game about 100 times already.

I found it funny when Brendon called Rachel “Bukie” in the bedroom. I wonder if CBS went to Brendon and Rachel and asked them how they wanted “Bukie” to be spelled or if they just came up with that on their own? See, CBS, these are the hard-hitting questions we have. Not, who is going to win the Power of Veto and will they use it to take one of the nominees off the block. No, we want to know how you know how to spell Bukie. And, also, how in the hell you chose the likes of Kalia and Lawon to be on this show? Which reminds me about an email I received this week from a reader, who sent me a link to a reality show website that helps people get on reality shows. Apparently, both Kalia and Dom were signed up for this website for some time now. I’m not sure if that helped them get on this show, but if it did, sign me up TODAY!

Oh Jesus, now Brendon is talking about how he’s going to cure cancer. I don’t know if he hears himself when he’s talking, but just the fact that you are talking about curing cancer to make a lot of money contradicts the very idea of curing cancer. You do it to save lives, you don’t talk about doing it so you can be a millionaire. In all honesty, I hope you do cure cancer, but I really hope it’s not you that figures this out. Listening to him talk completely hurts the thing that is located behind my mediastinum. Thanks for the lesson, PhD student Brendon. I’ll have you know, though, that I learned about the mediastinum in 7th grade AP Anatomy class. You don’t hear me bragging about that. You don’t brag about knowing words, moron. Anyone can read a dictionary. Call me to brag once you’ve cured your small penis syndrome.

Daniele goes to Rachel to try and smooth things over since Brendon is her target for the week. She wants to make sure they are “cool” for next week, just in case Rachel wins HOH. This was a pointless exercise, because she should know how Rachel is already. She’s just going to make comments about how you’re a horrible player, making a horrible game move, and that you are tearing the heart out of her chest. Save the breath, Daniele, put on a bikini and go sunbathe in front of the camera. I’d much rather watch you do that then talk to Rachel, giving her more airtime to discuss how sad and depressed she is.

Doesn’t it sound as if Rachel is reading from a cue card every time she is in the Diary Room? And, there have been times when Lawon is in the Diary Room and I can see his eyes slightly looking below the camera as if he’s reading something as he’s talking. Again, CBS, just tell us if you are helping these houseguests with clues as to what to say to America. We already know how boring all of these people are, but let us know if you know this too and are trying to help them out. I’m inclined to believe that I’m on to something here and that CBS has given up on trying to find “regular” people to be on this show and just has unkown actors play the parts.

Next was the Veto Competition. Daniele, Brendon, Rachel, Jeff, Adam, and Porsche are the players. The game is a gambling styled event, where the players guess how long it will take them to do a certain task. The player with the lowest time has to prove they can do it that fast, otherwise they are out. If they succeed, the player who wrote the longest time, is subsequently out. The games are all the past competitions in the house. I actually like this idea they came up with and think this would be fun to do with some friends. If only I had my own construction crew to put together all of these sets.

Anyways, Adam is the first out while Rachel proves she can chew bubble gum and walk at the same time. Hearing Brendon cheer her on made me sick. I can’t understand if these two are putting on a show or if they truly are like this in real life. All I know is that I actually did laugh at Kalia commenting on what those two are like in “the sack” and how they are probably complimenting each other the whole time. I can just imagine it now, “Oh, Rachel, I’m so proud of you, I can’t believe you got wet that fast.” Or, “God Brendon I love you so much, it’s ok that it was only 45 seconds this time. I’m still so proud of you. I love it, oh my God!” I think my penis just inverted itself into my body and might never come out after thinking about that…

As the competition went on, Rachel was second out (I was taking notes at this point, but my wife pointed out that Jeff’s sign read 1:59 as they panned the camera away from Rachel after she lost this event. This is news because at the beginning of the round, his board read 48 seconds and Porsche said 1:58 and was the highest. It turned out that in the next round, Jeff said 1:59, but how would their editing be so bad that they showed Rachel losing and then a shot of Jeff with his board in front of him from the next round of betting? These are the reasons why I think things are played out according to CBS and what they want to have happen. I just don’t get it how they miss these things in editing), Daniele third, Jeff next (missed his by 1 second…or so CBS would have us think), then Porsche lost when Brendon made the putt in under the allotted time, making him the winner of the Veto…AGAIN! He might be proving himself as a major Veto champion, but at the same time, he has absolutely no competition in this house. All of these houseguests are losers.

I got a good laugh out of Daniele laughing at Rachel jumping into Brendon’s arms after he won the Veto. It looked like a scene from a terrible romance movie from the 80s. The chick with big boobs runs slowly towards her man and then jumps into his arms and wraps her legs around him. All of this because he won some ridiculous competition in a reality TV show game. Part of me thinks Brenchel have plans to use this footage as a movie someday. I can see it now. Actually, scratch that, I don’t ever want to see it. Not now, not ever.