BIG BROTHER – 8/19/11

After the competition is over and Brendon and Rachel realize that one of them is definitely going to be the replacement nominee, they argue about which one of them it should be. Rachel SAYS she wants to go up, but we all know that’s just her way of allowing Brendon to be her knight in dingy, rusted-out armor and come save her from being evicted by going up. Sorry, you two, but neither of you really have a choice. You both know Daniele wants Brendon gone, so start packing his bags already.

Daniele and Jeff have a discussion where Daniele tells Jeff he is not the target this week. Jeff told her that he would like to see Rachel go first, but Daniele put an end to that quickly by saying that she sucked ass at this game and she’d rather have Brendon gone because he’s a bigger threat. Jeff had to try, but there’s no way in hell Daniele is going to vote out Rachel before Brendon and allow Brendon the pleasure of spending the rest of the season proving how big of a man he was by avenging the death of his fiancée in the game of Big Brother. She knows how serious those two take this game, so he would definitely have no problem bloodying up his knees again trying to get her out of this game.

I think I need to be televised while I’m under 24 hour solitary confinement. This world would find out just how weird and crazy I am. Shelly made it seem like it was boring and depressing, but I’d probably have the time of my life. I’d create some sort of game with the bread and slop where I ended up coming up with character names and childhood stories for each character that I built out of the bread. I’d probably do interviews with non-existent people since they have microphones everywhere. There is no doubt that some sort of fort would have been built. I’d probably feel at home with the padded walls surrounding me and nothing but silence. America isn’t ready for me and my imagination. Hell, half the time, I’m not ready for myself.

Real quick, I have to say that Jordan actually looks good in her Humilitard. I’m a sucker for the pig tails, as my wife knows, so she had me as soon as she walked out the door!! See, it’s possible that I can find blondes attractive.

And, I will also add that Shelly crying while talking to her family is the first time this season I deem a woman crying as allowable. That was a good moment for her and I can understand those emotions getting the best of her, but most every other time these women have been crying have been pointless and overly dramatic. So, kudos to Shelly for actually crying for a legit reason.

Some other stuff happens with Brendon and Rachel trying to get Daniele to backdoor Jeff, but we already know how this story ends. Adam takes himself off the block, Daniele calls Brendon a zombie and names him the replacement nominee. Exciting stuff. I relate this to Dancing with the Stars always holding a cast announcement special during the commercial breaks of another ABC show (this year it will be on during Bachelor Pad, 8/29, which is also my birthday…thanks for the present, ABC) when everyone already knows who the hell is going to be on the show. The build up for these moments are lackluster because we already know the end information, and even if there are little tidbits of information that are “new” to us, it’s never all that exciting (just like how when they reveal the 3 or 4 people we don’t know who are on the show, we still aren’t all that excited since the professional dancers are more a celebrity now than these ‘celebrities’). This is why I think shows like Big Brother need to go the funny route rather than dramatic. No matter what happens, it’s not all that dramatic. We don’t really care if Brendon gets put on the block. It’s not like I’m calling my friends after it happens to discuss it for 3 hours or so. She could have gone nutso and put Kalia up as the replacement nominee and as shocking as that would have been, it wouldn’t have been all that dramatic. They keep trying to drum up the drama levels in these competitions, but we all just want to see the funny sh*t, so show us more of that, please. It’s like on Real World and on all the Challenges, when they have the reunion the week after the finale and then the “Sh*t They Should Have Shown” show the week after that. That is my favorite part of the season and after watching all those moments, I always wish they would have shown that more during the season. So, word to the head honchos at CBS, stop showing us all the bullsh*t crying and let’s see these people laughing more often. I don’t need to feel like I need Prozac after watching an episode of Big Brother.

Just so I end this with talking about the episode, I’ll mention that Jeff doesn’t know who he wants to vote out. Either way he loses. With Brendon, he loses a strong ally, who can win competitions and help keep him safe for longer in the game (or so he thinks). With Shelly, he loses trust, because he can guarantee that he’s always going to have her vote if he’s nominated. Personally, I think he should vote out Shelly because Brendon will remain a bigger target in the house, but also work to keep him safe since he’s in a strong alliance with him. It would benefit him most to keep Brendon, but he’s been talking about voting out whoever the house wants and that’s exactly what I would expect him, and everyone, to do this season since THEY ALL SUCK AT PLAYING THIS GAME!!!!!

I’m going to apologize ahead of time if I leave something out of this recap, because I’m writing this one “blind.” I have no notes and no access to websites that can tell me what happened in this episode. I’m actually writing this on my phone as I wait in line to have my testicles taken out of my nut sack, just so I don’t have any more chance of having a daughter (I already have one, Lord be with her) that ends up being like Rachel. Please let her be the last of her kind.