BIG BROTHER – 7/13/12

July 13th, 2012 | 15 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized

Oh, Julie just dropped the first big twist of the season. Someone is leaving the house on Day 1!! Immediately, I wrote down, “See ya, Jodi. This will give you time to go reintroduce yourself to that spinning bike.” Seriously, who else thought that was the first time she was ever on that bike when she was being introduced?!? Just because you have the bike in your basement does not mean you actively use it. Although, if Jodi (or anyone that knows Jodi) emails me and tells me she used to weigh 300 pounds, I will apologize for being an a-hole and donate $25 to my local gym for someone to join a spin class, in Jodi’s honor. I’m incredibly cheap, so don’t anybody email me and tell me that!!

Oh God, here come the returning houseguests. I am going to TRY MY BEST to hold in my hatred for Douchey Dick-licking Dan. Just the sound of his voice irritates me. Every time he talks, it sounds like he’s reading it off some damn script and I just hate it. I want to go have sex with his wife, in front of him, and then tell my wife it was just “I hate Dan” sex and even though it meant EVERYTHING to me to have sex with his wife, the “everything” only had to do with my hatred for him and not the sexual pleasure I didn’t get from having sex with his wife. Ok, I promised my wife I wouldn’t go TOO hard on Triple D (Douchey Dick-licking Dan), so I’ll leave it at that before I go another 500 words into some weird sex-crazed rant about another guy and his wife. Oh wait, I already did that, didn’t I?!? God, it’s good to be back…I never thought in my life I’d be able to write a blog like this and people would actually like it!! 🙂

Janelle is back. Britney is back and immediately became the best looking girl in the house, even though I never really liked her all that much (I’m not a blonde type of guy), and then Boogie came back with a “Daddy’s home” entrance. Also, burn that shirt, Mike. What are you, 65? Who wears two-pocketed polo’s in 2012? Where did you even find that shirt? And, I will let you get away with calling yourself the best player to ever play Big Brother, because it MIGHT be true. Even though I think Dr. Will was better, I’ll let you get away with it.

To CBS’ credit, I DO like the idea of the players having “coaches,” but I’ll have to wait and see how it pans out. I think it’s awkward that the coaches are living in the house with them, because I don’t think that helps differentiate them from “coach” and “competitor.” I think the coaches are going to end up causing drama in the house and that is unfortunate for their “players,” because that might cause them to lose alliances, lose votes, lose competitions, get voted out, etc. I don’t know how else they would have done it, but I just hate losing a game because of someone else’s actions.

Of course everyone sees the Willie-Russell resemblance. I think Willie looks exactly like Russell. He also sounds exactly like Russell. He has the exact same job as Russell. He is doing nothing to hide the fact that he’s Russell’s brother, yet tells us that he’s not going to let them find out. I guarantee he tells everyone on Day 3 who he is. I like me some Russell, on Survivor, but I sure hope this is the last time we have to see a Hantz on any stupid reality show. Let them have their house flipping show on whatever channel it’s on and be done with it.

Next, we pick teams. Britney picks first and takes Shane. Smart pick. He seems to be the most athletic (appearance-wise) in the house. Boogie was second and took Freakshow Frank. I guess I can live with that. Janelle is third with Wil With One L. And, then Triple D comes out guns-blazing, obviously not trying to win the game by taking the two pretty girls in the house with the 4th and 5th picks, Kara and Danielle. Let’s not be obvious here, Triple D. I’m sure even your wife knew what was going on here. I can’t say I wouldn’t have done something similar in hopes of some bathing-suit strategy sessions in the hot tub, but I probably would have taken one of the girls and then Willie, Ian, or even Juggling Joe from Indiana. You have to take a guy, Dan. Instead, you take Kara and Danielle, and get stuck with the last pick, Jodi. Britney ends up with Shane, Willie, and JoJo and I marked her down as the strongest team (physically and socially – since Shane is the only semi-attractive guy in the house and JoJo is [more sexy than] attractive). Janelle has Wil With One L, Ashley, and Ol’ Jugglin’ Joe (ouch). And, Boogie gets Freakshow Frank, Ian, and Jenn (decent, but still ouch).

Also, someone give Jodi a reality pill. You should have known ALL ALONG you were going to be last pick. Not to be rude, but you’re a bit doughy. Nobody else is doughy in the house (everyone seems to be in good shape this season), so by looks alone, you should have known you were last. You should have told everyone about your marathon masterpieces. You still would have been last pick, but at least you would have come off as interesting in some regard. You seem a bit forgettable. And, in Big Brother, it’s not good to be forgettable. Some argue that it is, but that’s not true. More because I mean the type of forgettable where you want the person gone so you can forget them earlier than if they stuck around for a few weeks.

Holy sh*t, it may be my friend Jeremiah Weed talking, but seeing Mike Boogie in those short pink shorts was HILARIOUS! Then, he followed that up by wearing that ridiculously, too-big-for-even-his-huge-head Chill Town hat in the confessional room and if I hadn’t peed before I started watching the show, I would have right then and there. What happened to Mike Boogie, you ask? Dude just got old. Now he’s wearing 65 year old polo shirts and the hats to match.

Next up we had the first HOH competition, where the houseguests run across moving beds, holding onto stuffed teddy bears. First, I feel it’s a bit of cheating that they’re allowed to throw the bear to their teammates from the last bed before they jump back on the beginning platform. If they have to make the other jumps holding onto the bear, why not make them make the last one? And, seriously, who was the first person to try that and chance it NOT breaking the rules? Did Julie tell them they could do that? See, these are the things we need to hear, because every time they discuss the rules, I never understand the game. Maybe I’m not a genius after all…damn internet free IQ tests.

15 thoughts on “BIG BROTHER – 7/13/12

  1. Crap, I forgot it was on. I haven’t watched TV in so long, summer TV sucks. I am a huge Russell fan on Survivor, but not his family. They are not Russell. I was about done watching Survivor when his season started. He breathed life back into it. Looking forward to Big Brother, since I missed the first one. Also, I typed a whole comment out and the site said I posted too fast.??? And had to start over. I almost didn’t. So I hope I don’t post twice.

  2. It’s great to have you back Scott 🙂 Loyal follower of your blog for both Survivor and Big Brother.

    Couple comments – Agree that Britney being included is SO random and calling her a “legend” is a huge joke. I must say though, I completely disagree with what you’ve been saying about Jodi being fat. All my roommate and I could think as we watched the episode was “Poor girl, she got cursed with SUCH an unfortunate body type”. Trust me, that girl works out. She’s got freakishly skinny legs, she just got stuck with an unfortunate “Humpty-Dumpty” body. Sorry, not to be annoying, just thought I’d just help my fellow woman out a bit 🙂 A lot of times it’s laziness, THAT is genetics.

    To be perfectly honest, although your blog makes me chuckle, you can be a bit of a downer sometimes (think happy thoughts, this season, k? :D) . That being said, I LOVE when you talk strategy. Being a crazy CRAZY devout Survivor/Big Brother fan (been watching every season of Survivor since 2001, when I was only 11). I thoroughly enjoy and appreciate your insight, mainly because I tend to disagree with you. You always have a good case for your opinions and it’s highly entertaining for me because I would usually go in a completely different direction. Which brings me to this question (if you feel like responding or just as a general suggestion in your blog):

    Could you elaborate on what you think the Coaches twist will do in terms of strategy this season? Some things I’d be curious to hear your insights on are for example: What do you think would happen if one of the contestants wants to eliminate someone in their own team? (does the coach have a say, would the coach ever threaten to sabbatoge the other disloyal player?) I guess what confuses me is it’s as if they’re playing on a “team”, yet not really… there will be plenty of times I’m sure that it would be in a contestant’s best interest to vote out “one of their own”. Or do you think the best strategy will be Team Alliances (like Britney and Boogie’s team aligning)?

  3. I disagree about a few things (suprised? afterall I am your wife!)- I like the returning houseguests idea. I love it being a mentor thing because then we really are not cheering for the mentors (what if we hate their team?). I love Janelle, she is actually one of my favorites, but I have to say I am sort of rooting for Britney’s team. Atleast for now. Seems like her picks make the most sense.

    I mean c’mon Dan? Really REALLY?

    As your wife and knowing your sarcasm(did I really say this?)- I do not think you are being a downer, because if you are going to be sarcastic, you can’t really post about something nice. Sarcasm and nice things don’t really do together. It is all for laughs.
    If I can keep that in mind while reading this (you know talking about sleeping with Dan’s wife and all), your faithful readers should too. 🙂

    Welcome back.

  4. Dear stina2bina,

    I know I can be perceived as a downer from time to time, but it’s really just my form of sarcastic banter. I try and edge the line as much as I can without sounding too harsh with things, but sometimes I just can’t prevent it. But, just know I am aware of this and do everything in my power not to come off as a dump, because I know not everybody wants to read that.

    As for calling Jodi “fat,” I don’t believe I ever did that! 🙂 I did call her doughy, which is completely different. I, myself, am doughy, but just in a skinny persons’ body. So, I was not trying to call her out for being fat or anything, and don’t need any repercussions thrown my way by righteous womens’ groups! 🙂 I know most of my readers are women, so I try my best not to outright bash them…I am a genius, after all, remember?!?

    Lastly, I didn’t talk much strategy only because it’s the first episode and there isn’t much strategy involved yet. As the season progresses, trust me, I’ll delve into strategy and how I think these people can win. I’d also like to throw out that you are ALWAYS wrong then, if you are always disagreeing with me! I’ve won every Big Brother season since I started watching (from home, of course) with my incredibly well-crafted strategies.

    Thank you for the comment, though, and keep reading…and ask anything you want, I don’t mind answering!

    And, thank you to my beautiful wife for putting up with me when I talk about having I-hate-your-husband-sex with other women! I Love You.

  5. Great to have you back Scott. I enjoyed your recap and am looking forward to your views as the season progresses. I’m not sure if I like the mentor idea yet, but will have to see how it all plays out. From things I’ve heard going on with the live feeds- there is drama already brewing. Already looking forward to your next recap- thanks for making me laugh with your comments. By the way- as a woman, you are very lucky to have such an understanding wife 🙂 LOL

  6. Love how you respond to every comment, Scott! 🙂

    The “downer” reference wasn’t at all about your sarcastic approach to the contestants or individual events. It’s just referencing your “This season SUUUUUUCKS” rants that have happened in the past Big Brother/Survivor. People are idiots on this show, so please, continue to have fun with that 🙂 It’s just harder to want to continue even watching a show when your recaps are constantly tell us it’s a waste of time. That’s all I mean. This post wasn’t an example.

    And I know you didn’t use the word ‘fat’, but let’s be honest, you were kinda implying it. I’m just saying, I believe she very well does run marathons. As for my comment regarding the Coaches twist, I’m just trying to think about how this will change the landscape of the game and wondering if you had any sort of predictions for the big picture and if there will be more team-based alliances. Because ya, obviously, nothing’s really happened yet, but I like predicting.

    Lastly, I dunno, I think my strategic mind could give you run for your money 😉 … Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, so I put more weight on how social manipulation could be utilized, but there’s definitely a reason why I honestly, 100% believe that if I went on Survivor I would win 🙂 lol

  7. stina, if you watched last season of Survivor, you KNOW it SUUUUUUUUUUUCKED, so try and imagine having to write a blog about that and be entertaining! It’s quite hard and I do admit to not being as good, that’s why I’m coming back with a vengeance this season, in my Big Brother blog! So, that is why I’m saying to pass this blog along, because it’s going to be EPIC!

    As for strategy talk, I will save that for my blogs, so as no to waste such poignant thoughts I may stumble upon in the comments section. Consider your question my first “Reader Question” of the season and I’ll answer it in next Monday’s blog. You’re welcome.

    If I thought Jodi was fat, I would have to reconsider what I considered skinny! But, I get where you are coming from. Point taken, received, processed, and agreed upon.

    Fine, you can win Survivor, because I’m never going on that show anyway. You still won’t beat me in Big Brother. Unless you’re walking around the house naked with a bunch of horny teenagers, I’m not losing Big Brother! 🙂

  8. Glad you’re back brother in law 🙂

    Anyways, here are my comments.

    I love when old houseguests return..my favorite on any reality show, but not sure if I like this coaching. I think it would be better if they couldn’t talk to other coaches or something. I like Brit’s team the best right now too, but love Janelle and as a woman, DO consider her to be one of the best on BB ever. She’s hilarious and good at comps, which I would suck at!! I don’t like her team, but rooting for them anyway because I love her!

    I can’t wait for more blogs and episodes!! And for the day when we both get to be on Big Brother!! haha 🙂

    P.S. I am pissed about Drew. He was one of my favorite houseguests ever!!!

  9. Glad you’re back Scott! Great recap. I totally agree with you–either just have a freaking All Stars season or have all new people. And enough recycling these Hantz relatives already. I’m waiting for 100 year old Great Grandma Hantz to show up on one of these shows next. Get over it CBS.

  10. Welcome back, Scott.
    I’m actually looking forward to this season of Big Brother, primarily because Rachel is NOT one of the coaches (as it could be argued that she has been one of the “best” players – i.e., successful despite her personality)!
    I despise that whining, sniveling, narcissistic, ignorant beyotch! I actually read somewhere that she was supposed to be one of the coaches but that she found out about a particular “twist” planned for the program, so was disqualified. I say thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for that!

    I’m okay with the whole coach thing only because they’re not competing for the main prize. It will be very interesting to see whether the coaches will be effective in swaying their team members to do their bidding to ensure their own win.

    It just may turn out to be a fun summer of BB viewing.

  11. @FanofSteve nice reference to The Flying Spaghetti Monster..haha.

    Well Scott you called it, Willie couldn’t hold his secret in. They rarely can.

  12. Oh – as much as it would have sucked having to listen to Rachel all summer – I could totally see her as a better candidate than Brittany – it just seems like she’s more on Janelle’s level than Brittany is.

  13. Rachel annoyes the hell out of me (“oh my God Brendon this and Brendon that”) but I kinda was waiting for her to walk through the door when they were talking about “legends” and all. Hate on Rachel all you want but the girl knows how to play this game.

  14. If they were dead set on doing the all-stars (which I dont care for at all) they should have paired up Evil Dick against Boogie and Janelle against Rachel. Now that might be entertaining, even though I about overdosed on Rachel on TAR.

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