We start the episode with the two minutes of recapping of the previous episode, which I still think is ridiculous for CBS to do. They already have recap/previews in the opening sequence, so we don’t need another two minutes wasted at the very beginning of the episode. Anyway, Juggles comes out screaming into the camera again, talking about how Shane winning the HOH competition was a complete buzzkill. No, Juggles, YOU are a complete buzzkill. Stop yelling into the f*cking camera, ok? Nobody cares that you’re worried about going up on the block. Especially nobody watching the show.
Danielle, however, is completely happy at the turnout, and is even willing to forgive Shane for not voting for her (or should it be voting for her – whatever). It’s almost too easy with these women these days. And, you wonder why girls always end up with a-holes…it’s because you girls are just too wishy-washy. You like him, you hate him, you like him, you dislike him, you have sex with him, you love him, he has sex with another girl, you hate him, he says sorry, you love him again, he bones another chick while you’re pregnant, you hate him, you want a divorce, he says he’s sorry, you don’t forgive him, you have the baby, you realize how hard it is, he says sorry again after boning four chicks while single, you take him back, you hate your life because you married an a-hole, it’s an never-ending circle with you females. If I can offer up any advice to you girls, it would be to go Jenn’s route in life and just be a lesbian. And, let a guy watch now and again.
And, seriously, CBS, you HAD to show us Wil in his banana hammock underwear TWO F*CKING TIMES?!?! One time wasn’t enough even though my eyesight is complete fuzzed for the rest of my life. I feel like from here on out all I’m ever going to see is bulgy-gray abyss penis pants. I could watch Eva Mendes’ nude scene in Training Day and probably see Wil in the corner of that bedroom, looking over at Eva, saying something like, “Hey Patrice, feed the cat girl, I’m gonna be gone for anotha week.” God help me. Naked Eva Mendes, Naked Eva Mendes, Naked Eva Mendes…
And, it’s official, Danielle truly has forgiven Shane because she plans to spend a lot of time with his penis, upstairs in the HOH room this week! You go get it, girl.
I think that scene in the HOH room is a perfect microcosm of this entire season, with this cast. Just how boring they all are. Nobody wanted to talk, nobody wanted to be there, nobody wanted to eat his food, nobody wanted to be the first to leave. Sh*t, I felt like we were watching a silent film. Hell, watching a silent film may have been better. Not a subtitled film, though, them sh*t’s are TERRIBLE to watch!! But, seriously, you guys can’t come up with a story to tell. The best you can come up with is “Vermont peanuts…are these from Vermont?” No Dan, they’re made in Vietnam and “Vermont” means “Dan’s a c*ckface” in Vietnamese. Who was it that was just talking about Dan being smart? Britney? Janelle? Well, whoever it was out of those two, I guess Dan would be considered smart, so whatever…
Joe tells Janelle that he thinks it’s going to be himself and Wil on the block this week. That prompts Janelle to want to fix her relationship with Britney. I think it may be a little too late for that, Janelle, but go for it. You have to try, right? Unlike some coaches in this game who tell their players that they aren’t going to fight for them, in hopes it will motivate them to do it themselves.
Up in the HOH room, Britney tells Dan, “It’s like our kids are dating.” And, she goes on to saying they need to have a chat about contraception. I wonder if the Big Brother house has condoms and lube inside it? Maybe that should be one of the prizes when people get knocked out of competitions. Ah, crap, I came in 4th place, but hold the phone, folks, instead of $10,000, I’ll take the condoms and lubrication so I can be assured I won’t catch disease while I’m banging out in the HOH room. Seriously, though, I think they do supply the house with condoms, which just makes it all the more awkward if things are happening in the moment. You’d be laid out in the Have-Not’s room, kissing, undressing each other and then you have to have that awkward conversation about which one of you is going to be the one who runs to the storage room to grab a condom out of the cabinet. See, CBS, THESE are the things we need to see. Those awkward condom runs to the storage room at 3 in the morning when the houseguests actually want to have safe sex, unlike the past houseguests who seemingly didn’t care enough to grab one.
Anyway, I completely lost my place there. Where was I? Ah yes, Shane talking in the HOH room to Britney and Dan, telling them that he doesn’t want to put Frank up. And, he’s giving them every “reason/excuse” other than saying he has a deal with him. Uh, hello moron, both of them played the game before and understand that if you’re on the block the week before, win HOH the next week, and DON’T put up the person who wanted you out of the house the week before, you made a damn deal with them. Just come clean, tell them that you made a one-week deal with him to save yourself, and you’ll get them out the next time. They know you’re lying if you say anything else, so just give them a half-truth.
Joe cooks Shane a “royal breakfast” and wakes him up all bright and early to feed it to him. Nice, yes, hilarious, also yes. I don’t mind a little sucking up, but a breakfast is not going to do the trick, Juggles. Leave the man alone and let him sleep. I read about how he also made a breakfast for Britney, woke her struggling @ss up, as well, she ate one piece of bacon and went right back to sleep. I have to agree with Mike Boogie on this one and say that this was one of the saddest displays from a grown man in Big Brother history. I could understand if it were Britney or Janelle who won HOH and you wanted to make them breakfast, but for another grown man? Come on now, Joe, you’re a grown @ss man, dog, you don’t go making breakfast in bed for another dude!
13 thoughts on “BIG BROTHER – 7/30/12”
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HA!! When Boogie asking Ashley about her dream board and he said the really far out of reach things are on top like having a husband and kids and things like an ipad are on the bottom…. priceless!! She didn’t even get that he was completely mocking her!! Do you think if the coaches get the option to play, one will stay behind so someone is still in the running for the coaches money? But really, everyone would be gunning for his/her player to get them out then! The whole idea is crazy to me…. CBS quit bringing old players back….. Thank god Rachel wasn’t a coach!
I think I’m going to root for Frank to win because every time they show him the theme song for The Greatest American Hero starts up in my mind, and I used to love that show back in the day.
Oops. I think I’ve posted “spoilers” before when commenting on what I’ve seen in the After Dark programming. My bad. I apologize & will stop doing that.
The coaches competition yesterday was so overtly sexual that it actually put me off. Didn’t find it funny at all – it just made me squirm.
In my opinion, Shane confirmed his doucheyness when he said in a diary room session that he’d be cozying up to Danielle now that Jo-Jo is out of the house. For that reason alone, I hope he doesn’t win.
@ cfolliot – The Greatest American Hero! Hahahahaha! OMG, give Frank’s hair a bit of a trim and that’s who you’ve got. That’s hilarious.
I think I’m beginning to warm up to Ian. He seems much less “creepy” than he appeared to be in the first couple of weeks. And I found it sweet that he was so touched by Boogie giving him $3,000 of the prize money he (Boogie) won in the coaches challenge. Ian just might be a Dark Horse.
Can’t wait until Joe’s out of the house (hopefully this week) just for some peace and quiet!
Finally, for the love of all that is decent in this world, I hope BB does NOT allow the coaches to join the main game! That would just ruin it for me.
Cheers, fellow BB-fans.
Strap yourself in, because those coaches are most definitely coming back in the game. CBS is going to give them no choice, seeing as how the ratings are tanking this season.
Also, I don’t have a problem if people are posting spoilers in these comments and on twitter or whatever, just put the words “Spoiler Alert” in your message. Yesterday, someone posted on facebook and the FIRST SENTENCE was the spoiler, as if they were talking about their friends coming over for dinner! 🙂 I don’t take issue with people doing that, but it was just funny because here I am the week I’m trying NOT to see spoilers, and I see it on someone’s facebook post! Oh well…no big deal, I’ll just try again next week!
I agree with Ian, but I also believe he doesn’t seem as awkward only because of the edit he’s receiving. I’m sure he still says and does extremely weird things, but they just aren’t showing it anymore. That’s my guess. Weird people don’t just become not weird over the course of a few days…
I didnt like the coaches challenge at all. It was super sexual. I do find it funny that a girl won the last one. I might be in the minority but i did find Wil’s comment “Hey Patrice, feed the cat girl, I’m gonna be gone for anotha week.” kinda funny….I am certanly not a Wil fan but that made me laugh. I would imagine if you were Patrice it would too. I am not at ALL a Shane fan but I am a Brittney fan so I have to root for him a bit. Ian is growing on my only because he sadly seems to be the only player that actually has a clue! Frank bugs me because he is cocky and I do love to watch the cocky ones fall!
I love Ashley! 🙂 She is way too entertaining (dumb as a doorknob, but entertaining). I also would disagree with Boogie when he said he’d want his players to be up against Ashley in the finals, because as far as I can tell she’s really likeable.
My big thing with the Frank/Shane alliance is that whenever the two/three strongest players of ANY strategic reality show band together, it rarely ever works! Why? because eventually one of them realizes it’d be stupid to take the other with them to the jury vote so they backstab them. Point is, unless Shane stops being stupid, Frank’s gonna go after him eventually. Plus in general, the idea of staying uber loyal on Big Brother is idiotic. He should have put up Frank and Joe.
@stina, I disagree about the strongest players banding together NOT working out. Chill Town did it twice, with both members winning one season each. Dan won his season with his Renegades alliance, and Hayden won with his Brigade alliance. Of course their plan, all along, is to keep the strong with them until the Final 4 or 5 (maybe final 3, but that’s risky) and then vote them out to take the weakest possible person to the final 2 with them. I happen to think the strongest people in the house should ALWAYS work together. It surely helps to know that if you can’t compete in an HOH or Veto challenge, you will have a powerful competitor in the competition on your side, playing for you, basically. If I’m in that house and I’m teamed with Ashley and Wil, I’m not too excited about my chances of being safe each week. My only hope then is that the target is on someone else’s back, and that’s a heavy burdened game to play each week. Eventually, that target will find your back and the trigger will be pulled.
As well liked as Ashley is, if anyone in this house voted for her to win this show, I guarantee CBS would cancel Big Brother, as well as that $500,000 check, the second after the live finale ended…
I think strong people alliances plays out better on Big Brother because it is so challenge-depend (unlike Survivor for example). I would just be SHOCKED if Frank/Shane can pull their alliance all the way to the Final 2. I see your point for this early in the game, but come Final 4 or 5 I think it’d be stupid to keep Frank or Shane around. Strong alliances fail once one person realizes it’d be easier to beat someone else in the finals. It’s basically a giant game of hot-potato at that point…who will have the HOH when it’s time to pull the plug
@cfolliot hahahaha! “Believe it or not, I’m walking on air, I never thought I would feel so freeeeeeeee!” haha. I won’t be able to look at Frank any other way anymore. Perfect.
Scott – is your Dad David Letterman perchance? haha. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google Anne Hathaway and David Letterman interview (SPOILER ALERT for the Batman movie). I haven’t seen the movie, but this kinda ruins it now.
What is up with Joe wearing his chef’s coat on Thursday? What exactly is the purpose of that? Between him wearing his chef’s coat, making these meals for the HOH, making corny comments like ‘if Willy couldn’t stand the heat, he should have stayed out of the kitchen’ when the fight was in the bathroom, I think he’s trying to get Gordon Ramsays attention to get cast on Hell’s Kitchen or something. Which is also why I think he yells all the time – as it seems on that show you must yell to be a chef. Wrong show buddy.
Scott, awesome recap. Made my day – very witty and I laughed a lot. Quite entertaining. Thanks for making this more fun.
I’m not sure what you mean with the David Letterman comparison? I googled it and it says he “spoiled” the movie, but I read his comments and none of it sounded like a spoiler. It was just him giving his opinion on what he thinks will happen. I heard a radio show once, where the on-air presence said the exact same thing about the Batman movie and I didn’t take that as him spoiling it. As for what I wrote, I don’t think I spoiled anything, because I preempted it with a very long paragraph telling people NOT to read it had they not seen the movie yet! 🙂
As for Juggles, he walks around the house saying that he thinks he’s going to be in the media after this show is over. Why he thinks that, I have no idea, but he tells people that kind of stuff in the house. He probably is trying to get on Hell’s Kitchen or something. Wrong network, Juggles. No chance in Hell that is happening.
And, thank you for the kind words and laughter. That is what I write for…
I guess on air it was Anne’s reaction that made it seem it was a spoiler – she was shocked and stumbled over her words and it seemed he let the cat out of the bag, and he had seen the movie – but maybe I am assuming too much? I was just joking around (equating it to your Dad about training day) and wasn’t trying to insinuate that you yourself spoiled anything.
I agree, Scott, it does appear that Ian is getting a “kinder” edit; he’s still creepy …
I saw some of last night’s After Dark programming & a group of contestants (Frank, Ashley, Ian, Jenn, Boogie, Wil) were sitting at the round table having a rather raunchy conversation about sex, and Ian jumped in with the question, “So, where was the weirdest place you’ve ever masturbated?” (Then he did his little squirmy thing with his entire body … eeeewwwww.)
Holy cr*p, it was funny – brought the entire conversation to a screeching, silent halt! After some VERY uncomfortable hems & haws, both Frank & Jenn said something to the effect that they weren’t going to answer that “until maybe after midnight” (do the cameras go off after midnight?). The operative word, I believe, was “maybe.” I think everyone was hoping Ian would just let it go …
All the coaches believe they will be asked if they want to join the game, and two of them (last night) specifically referred to the contract they’d signed, which said that the rules of the game could change at any time at the discretion of BB.
**** SPOILER ALERT****
Joe thinks he’s safe and Frank is in jeopardy. Something significant must have happened at the veto competition & subsequent veto ceremony.
All of the coaches have said that if they’re given the option to join the game as contestants for the major prize, they will do so.
Cheers again to Scott & my fellow BB fans.
It is hard to judge how players are actually doing based on the less than 2% of weekly activities (3 “hours” of TV a week…half of which is spent on recaps/commercials); however, even on that alone my wife and I are convinced Dan is playing the best/smartest game all season.
I think he may have just lucked into his situation of coaching the “floater” type girls that everyone would want to keep around till the end, but aside from that he has played very well. He’s been very good at manipulating people into liking and trusting him and putting himself down low on the target list.
I think his biggest weakness is in his overconfidence of fooling people in his thrown competitions (and I think he has thrown them based off his past season).
I see him final 3 for sure, and his chance of winning depends on who he is competing against.