BIG BROTHER – 8/17/12

We move over to the live show, where we start off like every other Thursday night, Julie talking about what is going to happen as if there haven’t been 200 other episodes of Big Brother before this one, the houseguests all sitting around waiting to see the Chenbot on screen, and Ashley cracking her back in the absolute worst way you can, according to my chiropractor. For someone who has chronic back pain and spasms like she does, I’m guessing she has a doctor or chiropractor of her own and she should know that cracking your back while sitting down and twisting from one side to the other is NOT good for our spine and alignment. But, that’s neither here nor there, right? I’m sure Harry Dick, her co-star in her next movie, will be able to smooth out those kinks in her back.

Britney reiterates that the whole backdoor issue shouldn’t even have been a concern right now, but since it is, she believes “The Silent Six” are crumbling. For me, the man didn’t go through with it, so it shouldn’t be an issue anymore, right? But, like I said before, this game is not at all about what actually happens, what is actually said, or any of that, it’s all about perception. If Britney, Shane, and a few other people even think Frank and Boogie are up to something, they’re voting one of them out next week. It’s just that simple. They didn’t turn on the alliance, but since Britney and Dan THINK they MAY have thought about it at one point or another, that is betrayal enough.

Dan thanks Frank for not backdooring him, and Frank (who should never allow Boogie to leave his side) stupidly tells Dan that the thought did cross his mind during the week. Good one, moron. Why would you think that saying something like that to a person who are in an alliance with was a good idea? Now, Dan knows he can’t trust you, so he’s on Operation Shank Frank. My guess is that, no matter who wins HOH tonight, Frank is getting nominated, along with Boogie, and Frank is going home. Unless he wins POV, whch is obviously something that can happen. So, we may be waving goodbye to Boogie next Thursday.

Best part of the night: Ashley and Frank’s date! First, I thought it was going to be pretty stupid, but these two just kept dropping gems on us. I was cracking up at Ashley (who, I remembered I called the perfect high-school girlfriend in my original copy of Wednesday’s blog), who told us that she really just wanted some “man” in her life, because hanging out with Wil for 40 days just didn’t do it for her vagina. Looks as if Ian’s “flirtmance” is over considering she just called him a woman, pretty much. And, then, Frank laid it on us. Do you want to go makeout on the couch? Brilliant. They always say being direct is the best way to get results, and Frank just proved that to be the truth, didn’t he? For my liking, Ashley would have probably made out with my dog’s @sshole if I tied a rubber tongue to it, so I won’t give it up to Frank too much, but the man got some play. However, Ashley, that man is NOT Channing Tatum-esque. I’m not gay, but if I was, I’d imagine it would be with someone like Channing Tatum. Frank makes my penis laugh, not grow large. Again, let me point out that I’m NOT gay. I feel like I have to say that a lot in my blogs. I may need to do something about that. I think I’m going to blame it on the lack of @ss and titties this season. Britney needs to flash the cameras. Pronto.

Sarah, Joe’s wife, is my new best friend. Her making fun of Joe yelling into the camera was HILARIOUS!!! One thing we probably didn’t need to learn, though, was the fact that Joe was sexting his wife’s mother the first two months of their “relationship.” I’m sure that makes for some awkward Thanksgiving dinner conversations. And, my math may be a bit fuzzy, but if you’ve only been together 8 years, how do you have a 15 year old together? And, an 11 year old? And, a 9 year old? And however old the fourth child was. Did they say she was previously married? Not that it matters, or anything, but the way they said “we have 4 kids together” I just assumed they were, you know, THEIR kids!

First, they brought back Dr. Will. Now, it’s Jeff. Who will they bring back next week in order to fill up more time on the live show? I don’t know if I truly care what Jeff thinks. Or, that he wants Ian to win. Or, that you had to spend an extra few minutes recapping his past on the show. We know him, we know he does interviews for CBS.com, we don’t care. Show us what these idiots are doing in the house. I’m sure they did something this past week that would have filled up those three minutes better than us hearing that Jeff and Jordan moved to California and that he’s going to propose to her before June 5th.

Oh, and someone tell Beast Mode Julie that she would NOT be a cross between Mike Boogie and Janelle. Her little stick figure @ss is NOT winning any competitions. Maybe she could hold down the cerebral part of the game, but I’m even doubting that. I think she’d be the easiest to catch in a lie, probably wouldn’t do sh*t the entire season, make it to final 3, but only because she’s more a cross between Jenn and the Zingbot (after it passed out – which I guess is what happened this week when it was in the house).

I did like the Pop Culture trivia/game Julie played with the houseguests. I would say, other than missing your loved ones, missing out on what is going on in the world is probably the hardest thing to deal with in the house. So, telling them some stories about the world will give them some extra topics of conversation, and may help them get through the week. I’d like to see her do this more.

Oh, and Wil is voted out. And, someone tell Wil that he does not look fabulous in that red shirt, shorts, boots, and sailor cap. He looked like a gay mixture of a skinny Popeye and pasty white Incredible Hulk. I did appreciate Boogie’s good-bye message. I think he’s probably right, and that if Wil had held his emotions more, sucked up a little, kept telling some jokes, he would have coasted, with or without Boogie as coach. But, he didn’t, so he’s gone. No big deal. Game doesn’t really change.

We end the night with an endurance HOH competition. And, another Survivor-like copy of a past competition they’ve already done. As we watch them start off, it becomes apparent that Ashley just needs to sit down. Do what’s right here, sweetheart. You’re not going to win this game by winning competitions, so just go sit down and don’t hurt yourself.

For endurance competitions, I always tell myself it’s ok to check the spoilers and justify it by saying we were supposed to know the HOH tonight, anyway, so I did go and read the spoiler on who won. I won’t even say anything, because I’d give it away with what I’d say. So, if you wanted to know, and didn’t know any spoiler sites, feel free to email me and I’ll pass you the information.

And, next week, we get a double eviction. That should be fun, right? Will Frank be one of those two sent packing? Will it be a blah night, with Ashley and Jenn going home? Or Joe? Will a big move happen and Shane, Boogie, or Dan go home? I don’t know, but we’ll find out soon.

Until then, you can find me in the unemployment line,
Written by:
Scott Ottersen
Email: ScottOttersen@yahoo.com
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