Big Brother Recap – 7/13/15

So, we left off with Austin and Vanessa winning the HoH competition, so that’s where we pick things up at. Jesus Gheesling (Austin) tells us that while he’d love to get Audrey out of the house this week, Judas is running the show this week for him and he has different plans on what to do. Sounds exciting. I’ve always learned that when someone tells you that they have a second personality, you just go ahead and believe them and steer clear of that crazy. He’ll fit right in with the rest of the crazy that is in that house.

After that quick catch-up, we go back in time to before last Thursday’s live eviction to be shown that Julia couldn’t keep her mouth shut anymore and just had to tell someone that she’s a twin. She ended up telling Vanessa that the rumors were true and also told her that if they make it through five weeks, they both get to live in the house at that point. Ok, MAYBE I understand not being able to keep it a secret when the entire house is talking about it being a possibility, but why blab about the five weeks thing? I bet Julia is the worst at holding in farts, too. Vanessa does think this will be great for their side (of the house), which we later find out is her, Jesus Gheesling, Shelli, Clay, and now the two twins. That makes them a team of six. Yes I know, my math game is on fleek – if you don’t know what fleek is, neither do I but all the cool kids are saying it these days and I’m tired of being in my 30s so let me have this moment of feeling like a cool kid again…

Anyway, just like with anything else that gets told to anyone else in this house, the secret isn’t kept between two people for long as Vanessa runs right up to the HoH bedroom to tell both Shelli and Clay that the entire house is right about Jiz and she’s a twin playing the game one at a time, and switching off with each other every few days. And if telling Shelli and Clay wasn’t enough, she has to go run to her buddy Austin to let him know that the girl he’s mad crushing on is in fact two people, and you’d think that someone told Austin that he actually has a twin and has been switching in and out of the house with him all this time because the man is completely oblivious to not just them being twins, but the fact that the entire house is talking about it. Maybe he ought to let Judas sit this one out once in a while and actually pay some damn attention every now and again.

Oh God, why haven’t we been getting these Jeff’s-an-idiot montages all season long?!? I feel as if he’s been saying stupid sh!t these past three weeks and we’ve had to suffer with just Audrey’s craziness, Shelli and Clay mother-son flirting, and an occasional reminder that Meg still has those bodies stored in her freezer. Get with the program, Jeff, you’re playing Big Brother, there are two HoH’s each week, and the guy who lost in the OT shootout did NOT win the second seat in that HoH room. You missed out on Vanessa celebrating her victory? Did you congratulate James after the comp ended? I think we need to rewind the tape and see Jeff’s reaction to the whole thing because these are the kinds of things we need to know…

Austin and Vanessa make the plan for the week that they want any of Jeff, James, or Jason out but will make them and the rest of the house (outside of their alliance) think that they’re still going to backdoor Audrey. Vanessa’s first priority is to get Jeff out because she believes he’s a great salesman. Obviously, she wasn’t paying attention to the last scene we were just shown!! The plan is to put James up and if by some chance he takes himself off, they’ll put Jeff up and backdoor him. I’m not sure why they can’t just put Jeff up right away and if he wins the Veto, they can put James up in his place to go home. If Jeff is your first target and it wouldn’t ruffle many feathers to put him up right away, why not do it? I’m assuming they’re worried he’s a strong competitor and would win Veto, but again I say, who cares if you’re already making the plan to take James off and put him up instead.

I don’t even want to read over what I just wrote because I know it’s confusing as all heck. All these J names are too much for me to handle. They need to start voting some more of them out. Just for my sanity.

Clay Aiken? Seriously? Clay Aiken?!? I don’t even know if I have words for this. I want to look up some Clay Aiken song titles and lyrics to make fun of Austin, but I don’t want to type the words ‘Clay Aiken’ into my Google search box because from here on out, any time I type in the letter ‘C,’ Clay Aiken will show up and I don’t need that on my professional laptop. I give presentations sometimes and type things into my Google search box in front of people and God help me if they all had to see that for one reason or another I was searching for Clay Aiken at one point in my life. Come on, Austin. You get one CD from home and you chose Clay Aiken, you Claymate son of a b!tch! He couldn’t even beat Ruben Studdard. Foreshadowing for how this season ends with Austin coming in second…

My favorite part of the episode was Liz and Julia switching places and Julia telling Liz that she told half the house about them being twins and switching in and out of the game and Liz not even really blinking an eye at it. I mean, it’s only your life in the game and your sister may have screwed you, but I guess you shouldn’t worry about that the same you haven’t worried about one other second that you’ve been in the house. I still don’t know how much these people lie in their audition tapes about how they act or how much they love the show and want to be on it, but I can’t even imagine Liz/Julia came off as believable about how badly they wanted to be on Big Brother and play the game. Anyway, the best part of the entire conversation was Julia telling Liz she needed to lose some weight and was like “you probably just ate, right, you fat b!tch you?” Then, she goes right into the house and starts munching on some gummy bears. Amen, Liz. Don’t let these people tell you that you’re fat and can’t eat. Eat up and then just go ahead and tell all these people the truth that you’re twins and playing the game as a couple. That way you can lay around, eat, sunbathe in your skimpy bikinis, and sleep. Oh wait…that’s kinda what you’re already doing…keep on keepin’ on, Jiz.

We get another quick moment of Jeff’s idiocy when John tells the story about how he noticed Liz or Julia’s janky tooth on day one and wasn’t sure if the “other one” had that same issue. And that would be how he could tell if it were true or not that they were in fact two different people.