Written by:
Scott Ottersen
Email: ScottOttersen@yahoo.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/ScottOttersen
I ran into my first bit of skepticism this past week with my blog and, supposedly, not being funny. So, you guys want sarcastic remarks, buckle your f*cking seat belts because it’s about to get b*tchy in this b*tch…
The episode begins with the reminder that Jeff and Rachel were nominated for eviction. We get a diary room interview with Kalia, who says that Rachel is on the block because she’s “immature and catty.” Sort of a hypocritical statement since it’s also immature and catty to nominate someone for eviction just because they are immature and catty. Not only is it catty, but it’s stupid. Just tell us that she’s your main threat in the house and you want her gone so that it will be an easier road for you to win the game of Big Brother. Or, tell us the truth, and say that this is what Daniele wants and you’re going to follow her every word. I haven’t read your “relationship blog” yet, but I’m quite sure it’s impossible to come off non-catty and non-bitchy when discussing your past failures in relationships. Don’t be a hypocrite. As Shelly would say, you have more class than that.
There are two sides to every angle you want to play in the game of Big Brother. The angle I will discuss here is getting rid of a “major threat.” A lot of people will argue that keeping the threat in the game will lessen the target on your back and always keep that person ahead of you in the pecking order of who to evict, therefore making it easier for you to make it longer in the game. The other side of that angle is that the longer you keep a threat in the game, the more likely they are to win Big Brother. This is what Evel Dick figured out. He made deals with everyone telling them that if they kept him, he would always be the target, yet somehow the target completely disappeared off of his back and the fact that you kept threats in the house made YOU a target. This is why it’s never too early to get rid of a big threat. It’s why had Daniele’s plan to backdoor Jeff actually worked, it would have been brilliant. It was just that she went about it in the wrong way, which made it so that she was attempting it too early. You have to know your surroundings and understand who you are playing with and if they are willing to actually play the game so early on. Daniele had an erectile dysfunction moment and prematurely ejaculated her plans all over the floor…
Next came the requisite Rachel meltdown portion of the episode. Shelly needed to save her breath. Shelly, sweetheart, the girl is delusional. She’s still pissed off that her boobs are lopsided and her nipples aren’t completely square in the middle of her breasts anymore, so talking to her about “having more class than that” is ridiculous. The way you kept a straight face while saying that earned you an Oscar in my book. Meryl Streep has NOTHING on you. God, Himself, would not have been able to speak that sentence to Rachel without cracking up. I don’t even want to merit Rachel’s crying with any more commentary.
Hell, even Porsche is fed up with her craziness. Look, if Porsche acknowledges how unbearable you are, you know you have a problem. I’m fairly certain Porsche has had sex with men 65 years and older and if she can put up with those wrinkly penises more than she can put up with you crying, it may be time for a wake-up call.
Daniele, realizing Porsche is fed up with Rachel, is jumping all over her trying to form a relationship with her to get Porsche on her side. I’m not sure if the VIP Cocktail Waitress bond is one that can be broken, but Daniele can sure put the effort forward. All she has to do is talk about how she’s always wanted to be a stripper and I’m sure her and Porsche will ride off into the sunset together. Ask her for some tips and practice some body shot techniques and you’re good to go.
I think I liked this season better when Kalia was shown once per episode. Here we get a few minutes of her crying because she wants to win this game by playing the game and not by “coasting.” Kalia, you won one stupid HOH competition and now you think you’re “playing the game?” Don’t you realize that Daniele has just latched onto you because she has nobody else in the house? You are still a damn floater, so stop all of this nonsense about how you have what it takes to win the game. You can’t even make it through your HOH without crying about making tough decisions and hurting people’s feelings when putting them up. Hell, you can’t even make it through your own HOH week making your own decisions, you need to have others do it for you, so the thought in your head that you are playing this game holds about as much weight as Lindsay Lohan saying she’s going to stay sober and be a lesbian.
Before the Veto competition starts, Shelly talks to Jeff and Jordan about how she wants to work with them and stay with them until the end. Jeff makes a comment that ticks Shelly off and she runs off into another room to cry about it. What is the damn deal with the women this season? All this crying is insane. Honestly, I think the only girl we haven’t seen cry yet is Porsche. I don’t think Daniele has been shown crying, but she probably has. Porsche is just mentally handicapped and doesn’t understand what’s going on, so she wouldn’t cry about anything game-related. But, good God, Shelly crying because she doesn’t think Jeff and Jordan believe her when she says she’s with them until the end is beyond stupid. I’m at a loss. But, at least it made way to the comment of the night, by Jeff of course, when he asked her “Should we make out?” I am starting to feel sorry for the production team at CBS, because there must be nothing going on in that house except these b*tches crying like Jesse James just cheated on Sandra Bullock again. Get over it already. The game, I mean, not Jesse and Sandra. Although, you can all get over that, too, if you want.
We made it to the Veto competition without blowing our brains out from watching the whine fest going on in the house and we get Adam telling us he wants to win so that he doesn’t get the backdoor treatment this week. I don’t know if you haven’t noticed yet Adam, but nobody gives a flying f*ck about you in this game. You aren’t doing anything. You aren’t going to do anything. So you can strap yourself tight into that floater car seat and enjoy the Big Brother ride. Keep your arms and feet inside the vehicle at all times, because you can’t use them to do you any good anyways.
Kalia wants to get back into good graces with Jeff and Jordan, so instead of playing to win the Veto like she told Daniele she would, she decides to give up early on and just cheer on Jeff. I guess they are over their Dumbledore/my sister is gay fight they had a couple weeks ago. Good to see she’s not still crying about that.
I definitely enjoyed Daniele’s comment about how Rachel sucks at the competition, you know, as she is the best competitor in the history of Big Brother!!! With her out and everyone of the other girls as useless as Khloe Kardashian in a spelling bee competition, it came down to Jeff vs. Adam. Jeff has never been a fierce competitor in competitions, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Adam was beating him most of the game, but in the end Jeff turned on the jets and surpassed Adam to win the Veto. Now, he can die a peaceful death, knowing he won a Veto competition on Big Brother. Congratulations, Jeff. I think CBS is lining up a new reality show for you. And, it won’t involve you making out with Shelly, thank God.
Kalia, scrambling now, talks to Jeff and Jordan to try and defuse the bomb she set in place earlier by nominating him. She tells them that Rachel is her target and always has been. In order to rectify the wrong she created, she promises the two of them that she won’t nominate Jordan once Jeff takes himself off the block. I think this is a smart move by Kalia, and may just be the move she needs to earn herself a reprieve next week if Jeff or Jordan do end up winning HOH. Personally, depending on the competition of course, I don’t think either of them will win the HOH, so I wouldn’t be too worried if I were Kalia. But, that’s easy for me to say sitting on my decently comfy, dog drool-stained couch at home.
Annnnnd… HE’S BACK IN THE GAME!! And no, I do not mean Brenden ( I refuse to talk about that, I am too upset)..I meant YOU!!!
This blog was amazing!! I was cracking up. This is what we want each time, do you agree with me America? If you do not agree, then you are probably one of those that voted Brenden back in the game.
I noticed the same thing about the have/have not competition question with Jordan. I was so confused. I’m sure she was saying the right thing and they just edited the show differently.
hahaha great blog! I agree – the Brendon thing has be be fixed. No way people voted him in. Did you see Daniele’s face through the whole competition? She looked like she was going to throw up. I thought Lawon’s move was the stupidest move in BB history – until Daniele went for the Lawon eviction. She should have known better. Like you said, never play into the twist. I think she even said that, but then she totally played into the twist. Dumb. I don’t think she has as much right to make fun of Rachel now that she pulled that move.
And the girl crying thing…take that with a grain of salt. Often its a stress reliever (this of course is with exception of Rachel who is acting the whole time to get airtime). Trust me, as a woman, I hate that my reaction to stress sometimes is to cry – it makes me mad. And, they have no other way of dealing with stress in that house! After that good cry is done, you can move on and calm down. You can equate it with men’s urges to punch walls or throw things or scream and yell and be destructive (Jeff and Brendon have done that in the past) which is just as stupid and nonsensical.
As for the have/have not competition – it didn’t show Rachel’s turn, or on the other team, they didn’t show one person’s turn either (I can’t remember who, but only 3 of the 4 were shown). But I wonder if they did a couple of rounds, not just one each – so maybe Jordan and Adam did go head to head and we just didn’t see that play out? That competition would have taken some time, so maybe they just cut it short.
Finally, one comment about Jordan – I’m surprised she’s getting so worked up and angry about the floaters doing nothing in the game..ahh…does she not remember her season? That’s exactly the way she played it, until the final 4, then she did make some smart moves and showed she was playing. But the floaters she keeps yelling at to do something are doing the same thing she did, no? Maybe that’s the difference between playing it again – you get more aggressive the second time around. Same with the allstar season – lots of aggressive play (my favourite season to date)
I stupidly used to think that this show didn’t have that much producer manipulation. But Brendon being voted back in? There’s no f*cking way that worthless turd received the votes to return. I enjoy watching reality TV shows like this, but it pisses me off to no end when the scripting and manipulation is so blatantly obvious.
F*ck this show……
Oh, and sorry about Cassi. I would have preferred her over that limp d*ck retard Brendon.
Great column Scott! Anyone else notice the upset noises that were in the background when Daniele voted to evict Lawon? Almost like there was an audience to her vote…maybe the cameraperson? Who exactly was that? DR people or some other form of production? It was obvious that someone in the vicinity was not pleased with her vote…I thought it was weird.
scrantonicity – that was the crowd outside the BB house (the live audience for Thursdays show)- same when Rachel found out about the twist and sat there with her mouth open for 10 minutes cause she heard the audience laughing? I think it probably came through Jenbots mic.
Scott, welcome back! That was a great post, I just hope young girls don’t read your blog like they do Steves because of the cussing.
I am SOOOOOO bummed that Brendan is back in the house. Why can’t networks just let America vote and deal with the results, it’s as if BB wants one of the vets to win this game. Can’t wait until the HOH. Lawon, what were you thinking!!!!
Scott..
Well I’ll get straight to the point…I’ve read your blogs and rather enjoyed them until you get aggrevated and then your profanity goes into full gear…and then you go rampant with the insults…
C’mon now..is that really necessary in order to have a good blog???
And no I didn’t just crawl out from under a rock and I’m deff not a prude…not my first time at the rodeo either…but there comes a point when the insults/profanity really makes your blog less than entertaining to read…
This is just my own personal opinion..perhaps shared by others..perhaps not…and before you or anyone tells me “If you don’t like it..don’t read it”…yeah..I know that..DUH…but point is I do want to read it…just with a little more “class”..
Anyways…just my comments/thoughts for whatever their worth…
Wolf Goddess, I can’t really win either way. I make insults and people get angry, I do the recap without sarcasm and people get angry, I try to do it middle-of-the-road to make both sides happy and people still don’t like it. I know that I’m being crude and insulting, but I’m also doing it in good fun. I won’t make the “don’t like it, don’t read it” argument because I WANT you to read my blog. I appreciate you doing so and taking the time to leave your thoughts on how you feel. I hope I can find some happy medium, but I don’t think I will be able to. But, I will try and cut down on the cussing. That’s now ALWAYS necessary…but just know I swear A LOT more in real life conversations than I do here! 🙂
Scott, you’re a better person than me. I would have directed Wolf Turd, err, I mean ‘Goddess’, towards reruns of the old ‘Teletubbies’ show for expecting a family friendly environment. I realize this is a poor comparison, but to me its like asking politicians to not openly discuss politics.
Maybe Wolfie would be less inclined to complain if she spent her time reading children’s books over at http://www.seussville.com instead.
THANKS Scott for taking the time to reply…
I do understand your ‘no win’ situation and appreciate your replying to my comments without being ‘nasty’…
Sorry can’t say the same for “Nobody” who deemed it necessary to call me a “Turd”…looooool
Been called far worse than that..so “Thanks for the laugh”..and also for directing me to the Dr. Seuss website…GOTTA LOVE SEUSSVILLE..
“Sorry can’t say the same for “Nobody” who deemed it necessary to call me a “Turd”…looooool”
Wolfie, thats why its best that Scott writes this blog instead of me. I have little tolerance for people who complain about the content of a blog. Its Scott’s blog to write as he deems necessary. Don’t like what he says? Maybe this is more up your alley… http://www.agkidzone.com/care-bears
I don’t get it. First, Kalia is a genius and you fully agree with her move to get back into Jorff’s good graces and put Lawon up, and in your Thursday recap, you agree with Jeff that the move was stupid?? Do you not see the complete 180 you did between episodes…in the same blog post?
I don’t think it was producer manipulation at all that Brendon got voted back in.. Think about it: Obviously Keith was not going to be voted back in. Cassi was not going to get voted back in because I bet the male population that watches BB is small in majority to the female population (and those men that do watch certainly aren’t going to vote online or text). Then, when it comes down to Dom and Brendon, you have Brendon AND Rachel fans voting for Brendon. Also, Brendon has been on the show for 2 seasons now and thus, has acquired a bigger fan base than Dom, who was only on a couple weeks. Also, I suspect some people voted for Brendon because they thought Rachel would be evicted and they wanted to watch that play out.
Personally, I love Brendon and Rachel.. for comedic value. I have 4 different e-mail addresses so I was able to vote 40 times (10 per e-mail) for Brendon. So sorry everyone, I definitely helped get him back in! 😉
PS- Hahahaha @ calling Danielle “Man-Jaw”.. so true.
Kaw0610, I highly doubt your 40 votes for Brandon made much of a difference. Add that to his final total and he was lucky to get what, 150 votes total?
Sorry, I still dont see how the entire United States could be dumb enough to vote for Brendon; it just isn’t possible. CBS knows that Brendon being there adds to the drama, and drama equals ratings in their minds (see anything Bachelor related for more examples). Its their show and they will do anything to see that it doesn’t tank. This is easier to believe than Brendon having that many fans across the US.
Pingback: aldo toledo