Don’t you love the scenes in Big Brother where girls are in their bikini’s and in full makeup?!? Janelle & Britney were talking in the HOH bathroom and they were both wearing their bikini’s (although Britney was covering hers up at the time) and both had on full makeup! Now, I don’t mind this effort, but it always makes me laugh in Big Brother when girls pick and choose when they want to wear full makeup. It’s as if they completely forgot that the cameras are on them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week when they are in the house! So, if you’re going to wear makeup, you shouldn’t just do so on Thursday’s or for competitions, you should do it at all times, right? Especially if your name is Danielle. Holy Lord, did everyone see her without makeup in this episode? Boogie didn’t scare the sh*t out of me, but seeing Danielle without her makeup definitely popped the turtle out of its shell!! Talk about two different women. I’m all for girls going natural, but Danielle should be sued for false advertisement by her future boyfriends, because she is extremely pretty with all her makeup on, but when that facemask comes off, ouch. It’s like that episode in Seinfeld where Jerry’s girlfriend is a “two-face.” Put a sawbuck on Captain Nemo in the third at Belmont. Even if nobody knows what the hell I’m talking about, just know that I’m cracking up about this right now…
Yesterday, on Twitter (if you don’t follow me on Twitter, start, I may not spread tons of tweets around, but when I do, I make it worthwhile. Not really, but just follow me, what’s the difference, right?), I made mention about these people and their lame alliance names. In this episode, we get a taste of that with Dan spewing out “Team Blonde.” Eh, too simple. If you’re going the simple route, I’d much prefer calling them Team BJ. And, hey, before we get out of hand here, the BJ stands for Britney and Janelle. Stop being perverted perverts and get your mind out of the gutter. It doesn’t stand for Team Blow Job, Team Blonde Jugs, Team Butt Jigglers, Team Butt Juice, or anything your sick minds would come up with. I’m sick of all this sex talk from you people. I try and keep this blog classy and you always turn to sex, dick, c*ck, p*ssy, @ss, c*ntlicking, etc. We’re all adults here, let’s act like that is the case. Thank you.
I loved the scene with Ian kicking himself in the head. Not for the fact that he kicked himself in the head, but for Boogie’s reaction. And, seriously, you know people are bored when they find that sh*t funny. I may laugh the first time, but the fourth and fifth time, I’m probably not laughing anymore. Unless I’m drunk, then everything is funny. He could have kicked me in the face and I would have laughed. But, Boogie’s diary room talk about how he went from being in an alliance with, who he called “the best player in Big Brother history,” Dr. Will to being in an alliance with Ian, the kid who kicks himself in the head. “America, please kick me in the face.” Classic. I’m sure there may be some people who would take you up on that, Boogs. Possibly any of the women you passed your genital warts onto. I’m guessing they wouldn’t mind taking a foot to your face or crotch region. For all those that didn’t know, he had a genital wart removed on Dr. Will’s old reality show! I don’t know about you, but if I have a scary, red and green bump on my penis or testicles, and I need to have it removed, I’m not going on some reality show to have one of my friends grope my junk and remove it! That makes for awkward handshakes the next 400 times we see each other. I may just be your email buddy after that happens. What do you say to that? “Hey, friend, thanks for tweezing my testicle hair after you removed that wart from my penis. Wanna get some wings at Hooter’s? My treat.”
Anybody else shocked that Willie picks JoJo as the host for the Veto competition? For anybody not following the live feeds or other blogs that talk about what happens on the live feeds, Willie and JoJo have a little flirtatious relationship brewing. So, Willie’s second brain definitely made this decision.
Shane goes between Kara and Frank, talking about trying to make deals with the two of them in regard to possibly using the veto if he wins. But, he tells neither of them that he’d use it on them OR that he’s possibly throw the competition their way if it were close. So, I’m struggling to understand where the deal portion of his talks were. I’m pretty certain the only way a deal would be struck would be if you won the Veto and took one of them off the block. Otherwise, what deal would they be making with you? Oh, hey, thanks for talking with me, just because you came to me and may possibly think about using the Veto on me, if you win of course, I’ll keep you safe next week and the rest of the season. You’re such a nice guy for telling me that you don’t want to ruffle feathers this early on by using the Veto on me, but I appreciate you coming to me to tell me this, so you’re safe. Another moron here. I see on the live feeds the way Shane talks about how Danielle is a love-struck puppy following him around everywhere, and he just comes off like another doucheassmonkey. Whatever happened to guys just being plain @ssholes? Like Evel Dick. He wasn’t a douche, just a dick. All the guys since then have all been douches. It’s obvious women can’t ever tell the difference, but if you’re single and you start dating a guy, have him hang out with your guy friends and ask them if he’s a dick or a douche. If they think he’s a douche, dump him on the spot. That easy. Better yet, email me his picture, some of the things he says, the clothes he wears, and pictures of his exes, and I’ll tell you if he’s a douche or not. I’ll do this for free, too. I have the time and desire to call out the douches of the world. For the record, I’m a dick. And proud of it. But, you all already knew that from reading two years of my blogs, right?
Come on, Boogie, “The Blonde Ambition Alliance.” How long did it take you to come up with that one? I still like Team (Give me a) BJ. Ok, stop it. It’s Team (Give me a) Black Jaguar. I’m not going to say it again, but get your mind out of the gutter. If CBS can clean up its act and not show women in their bikini’s every 10 seconds, you can stop thinking about getting blow jobs from Britney and Janelle. It’s getting old, people.
“and Frank treated that slot as if it was JoJo’s “slot” and he wanted nothing to do with making his money shot.” ahhahahahahaha! See, I laughed out loud instead of lol 😉
As for the missing two weeks, I think she was count back from the total number of weeks on the show 12 or 13? So she’s saying with only 11 people left (and there is usually a double eviction week, so 10) that there was 2 weeks missing in the season. I might have my numbers slightly off, but that’s what I got out of it.
I think on the next eviction week you should double your jeremiah weed….its the only way to make it through sometimes!
Great column!
Ok I’m sorry, but as a 22-year-old who’s been maneuvering around the dating world for a few years now, I gotta ask – Please elaborate on the difference between a dick and a douche… I’m intrigued. 🙂
I dunno, I feel like there is a decent chance any of the coaches would trade players for Shane, not just Dan. I think it could be an interesting twist. I’m really curious if Willie can get himself out of the hole he dug for himself. Should be an interesting week!
ALSO, I know this is a stupid question, but my roommate wants to know: Were those burglar scenes filmed before they even entered in the house? A different night? That night?
@stina, the best advice I can give you about the difference between a dick and a douche is to be a lesbian.
No, in all honesty, it’s hard to tell the difference between a dick and a douche, but it’s just something you can see in a guy after getting to know him. I can’t write rules down and have that be the end all, be all. If I could, I’d be a millionaire, making love connections and preventing women all over the world from wasting their times with the dickfaces they are currently dating. The best I can offer you is to just ask your guy friends what they think and tell them to be honest…
As for the burglar, they were in the house when they taped those scenes. They were on backyard lockdown when the burglar went through the house.
i think a dick is someone who is an all out jackass and its just basically his personality…however a douche is gonna be more of someone who will change his personality to get ahead for the moment.
SIGNED
Scott, you will give yourself an aneurysm if you keep being amazed at the level of stoopid (players, coaches, network execs)
Heres what I think–when interviewing potential houseguests, they administer an IQ test. If they pass, theyre shown the exit door If they just fail, they get set up to look like the geniuses of the show and if they fail miserably, they are given a production staff of 3-one to write cue cards for them, one to help them pronounce the words on the cue card, and one to be around and point out where the bathroom, DR, and outside doors are.
Shane falls into the last category of contestant – I hope the rocker chick hides his tweezers so we can see him flip out using all the one syllable words that he can pronounce on the cue card that will be written for him. I have a feeling the spray-tanologist will come out looking like the genius and win. And this grand idea of coaches…what a pathetic attempt at ratings grab.
@godmudda….LMAO…..DITTO!!
Oh….and I forgot…..Signed!
@ALLWOMEN a “dick” is a guy who is a bit of a jerk and will annoy you on many occasions, but still loves you and wants you to be happy. Although, he might/WILL put his feelings ahead of yours. A “Douchebag,” or “Tool” is a guy who will do whatever it takes to manipulate a girl into doing whatever he wants with no thoughts of the emotional repercussions. A “Douche” is one tiny step below pimp.
Now onto this season. I thought the coaches “twist” was great, at first. But after watching the 1st few episodes, it’s completely lost me. I kinda like the idea, but it would be better if they lived in their own “Coacha Cabana”(Tm pending) and could only interact with their players in the Diary Room, the HOH, or the one competition they actually matter.
I loved your comment about how they are stealing ABC’s tactic of recycling Bachelor/ette contestants. I thought the same thing when CBS was trying to sue ABC over Glass House. ABC should’ve countered that CBS has been stealing their idea of using past “participants.” Of course, MTV could’ve sued everyone in that case.
Liked your blogs last year. This year, not so much. Not sure if its the material that you have to work with is much worse or your trying too hard. But, don’t try so hard. When you’re more natural, it’s funnier.
@lucky,
I would like to hear more about why you dislike this years blog compared to last year. I can promise you that I am not “trying” too hard. Making fun of these idiots comes naturally to me. I know my style is not for everyone, but if you liked me last year, I would like to know what it is I am not providing you so far this year. Am I not coming through on the sexist, a-hole side of things?
Holy cr@p, Willie Hantz has been booted from Big Brother!
Apparently he went psycho after Janelle won the coach competition and assigned him & the rest of Britney’s team as Have-Nots.
Word is that Willie then barged into the HOH room and claimed that he was going to get himself turfed from the show, then threw indecent insults at several people (including calling Janelle the c-word), tossed pork rinds at Janelle, kicked a door or two, then indulged in some gratuitous personal violence (apparently head-butting Joe more than once), and was finally escorted from the BB premises/off the show. Wow – he’s done his family proud, hasn’t he?
Yeah, I have read about the Willie incident and heard the rumors. I want to see what CBS shows us tomorrow night.
I hope they show the entire meltdown if what I’m reading is true!
I saw a theory that the coaches reenter the game once all their players are gone. If that’s true, it could actually be an interesting twist once revealed. It would shake up the house and alliances because none of the players would be able to trust their own coach.