BIG BROTHER – 9/14/12

I am ready for this season to be over with. That’s not to say that it hasn’t been a good season, because it has been a fairly decent season of Big Brother (a whole hell of a lot better than last season, for sure), but I’m just ready for it to be done with. Let’s just move on to Survivor, give Dan his stupid check for $500,000 so he can go waste his time publishing some stupid book nobody (including his wife) is going to read. And, just so we’re clear, I’m not saying this just because Dan is going to win. I get this way every season, around this time, just waiting for it to end. For some reason, I just like this show a lot more when there are more people in the house. It’s just so boring when they get down to six, or five, or whatever. Of course it makes matters worse that my favorite is never left in the house at this point, but what can you do about that, right? I really need to start gambling on sporting events and reality show competitions, just to prove which one of God’s jokes on my life is more powerful: my luck when it comes to my favorites winning anything or my luck when it comes to betting money on a team/player/etc. My favorites never win anything and I never win when I gamble. I am convinced two things would happen if I bet money on the opposite team/player to win against my favorite. Those two things are: one, both would die/quit/be disqualified before the game ended or two, God would actually end Earth’s existence. There is no third option. People wonder why I’m a fan of the New York Yankees and the Duke Blue Devils, well maybe it’s because I know that at some point in my existence they’d have to win it all, so why not tempt fate and just jump on bandwagons so I can enjoy victory every now and again. Anyway, let me just finish up this third-to-last blog for this season of Big Brother.

Julie gives the houseguests the surprise news that it’s a live eviction and HOH competition tonight. The players are shocked, none more so than Danielle, who is ticked because she has no makeup on. For all those who don’t watch the feeds and/or read blogs that detail the feeds, Danielle is possibly the most vain person on Earth. All she does is talk about how America sees her, what America thinks of her face, her @ss in pants, her @ss in shorts, her @ss in a bikini, her boobs in a bikini, so on, so on, and so on. She asks the other houseguests what they think America thinks of her @ss, her face, her boobs, her everything. Maybe she should ask them what they think America thinks of those big @ss pimples on your forehead! No wonder you cake on your makeup. I have to believe she brought an entire suitcase of makeup with her, because she must go through it like my daughter does diapers. Somebody please tell Danielle that the cat is already out of the bag. We’re like 9 weeks into this thing here, we’ve all seen you without makeup, just because it’s a live show doesn’t mean you need to run into the bathroom and put it on!

One other thing that I don’t get that people don’t understand when they’re playing this game, is that when big announcements or big events happen in the house, pay attention to who runs off with another person before they run off with you for strategy sessions. The moment Julie let the houseguests go, Dan grabbed Ian and they ran off into a room together, on their own, to undoubtedly (see, I got it right this time) talk strategy. But, the difference between people who win this game and people who are just their for the “opportunity” are that Dan and Ian went off to talk strategy, just so they were on the same page, while the two lovebirds ran off to the bathroom to apply eyeliner and gel up their hair (Shane and Danielle). Nobody cared what Jenn did. She probably pulled an Ian and rubbed one out while sitting on the toilet, so she could calm down for the live show. This reminds me of something I read on facebook, from one of my readers. She posted something like (yes, I’m too lazy to go back and read the exact quote so if you’re reading this right now, I apologize if I miss a word or two) “Sprained wrist = Worst thing for a lesbian.” I definitely laughed out loud from that. Jenn’s a lesbian, so that’s why I made that connection when I made the joke about her “rubbing” one out on the toilet. Just in case you wanted to know how my mind worked.

Jenn is pissed at Dan and doesn’t want to talk to him, but does anyway. She tells him that she’s made because he keeps sliming his way out of every mess he finds himself. Who cares, Jenn, just leave him alone then. And, wasn’t it you, something like two or three weeks ago, who helped him slime his way out of a mess he found himself? By using the Veto on him when you had him dead to rights? So, why, again, are you mad at him? If what you’re saying is true, you’re really just mad at yourself. If I didn’t hate Dan as much as I do, I would root for him to win, just because I don’t want any of these other stupid idiots to walk away from this show with a check for $500,000 that they’re undoubtedly going to blow on something ridiculous. Although, I don’t imagine any of them will use it to bankroll a drug trafficking business, so I can’t complain about that.