BIG BROTHER – 9/17/12

In all honesty, I contemplated not even writing a blog for this sh*tty episode, but I figured I might as well throw something on the site, rather than have to answer three emails, a facebook message, and two tweets about where my Monday blog was (I can tell by the lack of communication and comments that most readers are bored with the show, or my writing, at this point so they aren’t even bothering to check). I don’t quite understand why CBS thought anybody would care to watch the drubbery they filled our televisions with this fine Sunday evening, when some of us nice husbands were giving up watching football live so we could watch some stupid reality show, who then shows us how much they consider our viewing pleasure when they throw up some crummy rehash episode, where they coached the three remaining dipsh*ts to ask each other about stupid things that happened 40 days ago, like when Ian dressed up as a dog (uh, hello CBS, you JUST rehashed this on the last episode), or when Ian took Ashley out on a “date,” or when Willie got into arguments, and only threw in two new scenes with Britney taking out her sexual frustration on a stuffed bear, and Boogie reading the Bible, and angering Dan (who LIVES his life by the word of the Gospel) by doing so and not taking it seriously. I just think they could have done, maybe, 20 minutes of that crap, and then spent the last part of the episode showing us the first part of the Final HOH. The finale episode is only 90 minutes long, and I’m sure they have all kinds of fluff pieces to run for us in between scenes of the Final HOH (which we all know Dan is going to win), therefore it’s not like you couldn’t show us the first part of the HOH competition in tonight’s episode and the rest of it on Wednesday, mixed in with a bunch of filler (i.e. jury house action, what Boogie thinks about the rest of the season, what Janelle thinks about the players, etc). Ugh, just lame all around. As soon as they started talking at the dinner table, I completely forgot that this was the protocol for the second-to-last episode of the season and was completely turned off. I wrote three or four notes (depending on what you consider a note) for the entire episode and actually, at one point, asked my wife if she was fine if I just fast-forwarded until we saw a scene of something we hadn’t seen before. We decided to stick it out and paid the ultimate price of boredom for doing so. And, what were we rewarded with, a two-minute ending of how the first installment of the Final HOH started. I guess we can consider these three the best endurance competitors of the season, so at least it is fairly even on who may come out on top. Although, add in the spanking they’re going to take against that wall each time they hit it, and I’d imagine Danielle will fall off faster than Shane fell off the I-will-date-Danielle bandwagon once he left that house!! If I were him, I’d move to Alaska for a few months, because we all know Danielle is going to be seen in, and all around Vermont, trying to find houses that are under construction, hoping that one of them is the one Shane is “flipping” at that current moment. Run, Shane, run as fast as you f*cking can. She will kill you if she has to ask you for a hug again.

I will say that I did get a secondary chuckle out of seeing the “Eat your f*ckin’ Froot Loops” argument again. If there are t-shirts made with Frank’s face and those words written underneath it, I beg of someone to send me one!! I will wear that to my open audition next year, as long as they come back to Chicago again, and I don’t find out about it the day before. Maybe I should read Dan’s book on how to be a “regular” guy and get on reality TV. And, no, I didn’t go to his website and see that, someone told me all about it. Actually, a couple people wrote me and told me all about Dan’s website and how he offers Skype “coaching sessions” for the highly worthwhile price of $497 for ten sessions. If anybody has watched this show and went and paid that money for these coaching sessions, I’m going to pull a Jay and Silent Bob on your @ss, fly to your house, ring the doorbell, and beat the living sh*t out of you for doing such a stupid thing! The only two viable reasons I will accept is if you are rich as sh*t, wanted to hear him talk for a few moments and then just start laughing at his @ss and/or you were using a stolen credit card, which I’m sure Dan wouldn’t care about. He’d accept money from my brother, who once stole presents from a Christmas Toy Drive box and gave them to his daughter, in which my mom actually believed he got for her, even though all of the toys were unwrapped and all came in the same garbage bag. It’s cute how much my mom still believes my brother has some good in him. I think my brother and Dan would make a great scam artist team. My brother needs to team up with someone who knows how not to get caught.