Big Brother Recap – 9/7/15

I’m trying something new for this blog. Instead of drinking while the show was on and being tipsy for my blog, I earned my 60 minutes sober chip while watching the show and flushed it right down the toilet as I’m going to drink while writing my blog. So play a little game with yourself and see if you can tell at what point I started feeling tipsy. I can promise I won’t get drunk at all, because an entire bottle of wine doesn’t do that to me anymore, but the tips will happen, for certain. I say around page 2, paragraph 8, but you never know, I didn’t have dinner tonight so it could be fairly soon.

And also, before I get too tipsy, I wanted to do a bit of self promotion here. I don’t do it too often, but I felt the time was right. And since I am sure I lose a good portion of you before you reach the end of the blog, I figured I’d place it right here, before you say f*ck this idiot, I’m not reading this crap anymore! Anyway, I started a personal project that I’ve been tinkering with for a few months now. Like many of you, I’ve grown tired of social media and other news outlets only pushing ‘negative’ stories through to the readers/viewers, so I decided to start a media outlet (aka a blog) that shows the good side of people. And not just celebrities who have all kinds of money and donate $500 to a cause for good PR. I’m talking regular Joe’s, who are doing great things for no other reason than to spread some joy into the lives of others. So, if you wanted to join along with me in this process, follow along my blog at allthegood.blog.com. You can find my Facebook page, Twitter address, and Instagram profile on the site as well, but what the hell I’ll give them to you here, too. Facebook is All The Good, Twitter is @_allthegood and Instagram is @allthegoodblog. I just started it, so it’s a little raw, but I promise things are only going to get better. I appreciate you taking the time to click on over there and check it out. If you don’t, well enjoy going about your day only reading about the Kardashians and what car they bought today…

Now that that is out of the way, let’s get down to what I considered the BEST EPISODE OF THE SEASON!!! Jesus, finally something happened that was going to cause other things to happen and other things to happen because of those other things, and all of it was NOT going to be 100% predictable. Maybe these last couple weeks will make this season bearable, although the first few weeks were decent enough, so maybe the last few weeks will salvage it instead of make it bearable.

Newsflash…Vanessa likes her situation in the game. Really? Because with all the crazy paranoia you run through every week, we’d never have assumed that! But, in all honesty, you should like your position because everyone in the house just listens to whatever you say. If you make the final 2, your final speech should just be “Vote for me” because everyone would just vote for you then. All jokes aside, in the game scenario, she’s in the driver seat right now. If she doesn’t go home this week, she’s all but won. Whoever goes home will most likely be a twin or Austin, so whoever remains of that trio will probably go after Steve or John since they’ll now need to break up that duo to spare votes, meaning Vanessa is then in the final 4 with, let’s say, Austin, Steve, and Julia. Of those 3, I don’t foresee anyone putting up Vanessa. She’s all but assured herself a final 3 spot, and the only way she goes home then is if the person who wins that final HoH is an idiot and doesn’t think she’ll win. And judging by the rest of this season, they’re all idiots, so of course they’ll take Vanessa to the finals much like Cody’s dumb @ss took Derrick last year.

Another newsflash….even John knows you’re all idiots for keeping him over James. James was aligned with nobody else in the house, while John came back from being evicted, and you HAVE to imagine that he’s coming back fuming and ready to break up the power in the house, but no, why would we assume anyone that’s in the power roles to think that way. They haven’t thought about the next day one time while staying in this house, so why bother starting now! They just new James wasn’t aligned with them, so of course we should vote him out, even though we talked about voting out John for the entire season. This show is inherently frustrating and watching it really makes me only want to play it all the more, because I consider myself an intelligent person and I want to know if being in that house makes you throw out any intelligence you have and makes you play stupid. I talk a big game, but would I go into that house and end up being a Liz or Julia? I mean, I already know I’d be a James and would f*ck with these people every single night, but would I be stupid when it came to strategy and forgetting all the tips I told myself before I walked in about if I ever see two people talking, automatically assume they’re aligned or at least working on something that week? I need to know this. Someone please hook me up with Julie Chen or Alison Grodner, because I need in.

And see…here I am talking about nobody thinking about the following day, and here we get Austin talking about winning HoH and who would he put up! Don’t worry about that right now Austin, why don’t you win the comp first and then worry about it! Don’t give away your thoughts and strategy before the comp even happens! So after he tells Vanessa that he’s thinking about throwing the comp, she tells Steve that he’s considering this and that this is the week that she needs to take a shot at the Austwins. Yes, let’s wait until the final six to take a shot at a trio left in the game! Good thinking. And here is the person most likely to win this season. Ugh…come on wine, work faster…

And yes, I just took a BIG sip…

And another…

So we get to the HoH and we’re told by Austin that he’s not going to throw it. But guess what, Jesus Gheesling, you ARE going to lose it! Nice try. Geez, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say just keep Austin in the game because he’s really not all that great at comps. And you know that he’s not winning that final 3 HoH where Julie asks them questions about whether this happened before or after that…maybe stop worrying about the fact that he’s 8 feet tall and hairier than King Kong’s @sshole and realize that he’s practically worthless in HoH comps. Veto comps are different because those tend to be more sporty/physical, but HoH comps are not his forte.

Anyway, Steve wins and we ALL rejoice!!!!!!! Finally, someone wins an HoH where we don’t know what the hell is already going to happen!! Thank the Lord. I’ll cheers to that. Now…what will he do with it? I pressed pause at this point and thought about what he should do and OF COURSE I came up with the fact that he NEEDS to put up Austin and Liz. There’s no other option at this point. So, let’s unpause and see what he does…

Can anyone tell me how Julia would ever think that Steve would put up John?!? I don’t know why these people’s stupidity ever surprises me, but this one kinda did! I mean, doesn’t she see the two of them always around each other? Does she think that the Scamper Squad is REALLY that tight? I’m sure he interacts with the twins from time to time, but there’s no way she thinks that he’s stupid enough to believe he’s in a good spot in that alliance and that he wouldn’t want to break up the trio you, your sister, and Austin have formed? Do people go on Big Brother and truly think this stupidly?!? There’s no way in hell he’s putting up Bobcat, Julia. Your sister is most definitely being nominated. Deal with it. And stop being so mad about it, your sister going home is the best thing for you! People may forget that you’re Julia and think you’re Liz and vote for you to win the game…remember, these people are that stupid…

So now Austin has a talk with Steve. He basically tells him, look, we didn’t shake on that deal I told you two weeks ago when I promised not to nominate you and John together, so we’re good, right? Yeah dumb@ss, we’re good, don’t expect me to be smart enough to think I should break up a trio at this point in the game just because you told me you didn’t ask me to shake your hand before you left that room. I just bowed my head and said a prayer that neither of my kids grow up to be this stupid and try and reason with me this way. I’m not Steve, I will crack them right upside the head if they try and excuse themselves this way…

So, they agree to shake on whatever deal they came up with this time about this week and next week, but they never really shake on it. Now if I’m Austin, I just go into the bed where Liz is sleeping and stick my finger in her vagina like I’ve been doing on camera the past few weeks, thinking I’m safe and in a good mood. But if I’m me, I take him not accepting my deal as a declaration of war. I assume he’s considering nominating me. Just because I spot him while he bench presses and eat cereal with him, I don’t presume I’m safe. I don’t go fingerbang some chick I’ve known for 75 days, I go sit in a quiet room and try and come up with the best case scenario for myself to win $500,000. Although, let me add, for single men (well, who am I kidding, married men too), the vagina does hold a power over us that money just for whatever reason can’t compete. BUT…Liz ain’t worth $500,000 to me. I want that money.

After having that conversation with Austin, Steve considers putting up the twins as his nominees. So he tells that to Vanessa, the Queen. She immediately tells him that he’s a f*cking moron. She tells him that he needs to nominate Austin and Liz, leaving Julia as the last one of the trio not nominated, because the only person that CAN’T win veto, is the last person of that trio not nominated. And she’s 100% correct. Come on, Steve, you’re supposed to be a super fan of this game. You didn’t think of that. Of course he has to nominate Austin and Liz, because Julia is the weakest link of that trio and the odds of her winning Veto are practically 0%. But if you nominate Jiz, and Austin wins, he’s taking down Liz, then you have to nominate Vanessa or John. And only three people vote this week, so if two of that trio aren’t on the block, whoever they want to go home will go home. And you can bet your @ss that it won’t be the other member of the trio! So, get with the program, Steve. Listen to Vanessa. And again, I can’t wait to read Vanessa’s blogs on strategic analytics or whatever the hell it was.

Let me swallow this wine before I write about this whole Sigmund Freud scene! Holy SH!T! Wow, I’m ok with some people not knowing exactly who he is, but don’t pretend to know who he is if you don’t!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA, oh my God, this b!tch really just said that Sigmund Freud was Siegfried and Roy, the damn tiger guys in Vegas who got their head bitten off by one of the tigers!! I’m dying laughing right now. Even the way that Steve was talking about Sigmund Freud, you should’ve known he wasn’t talking about two tiger tamers/magicians or whatever the hell. He was talking about loving his mom in a sick way, so how does that translate to tigers? Oh man, common sense truly is dead.

I don’t know what page or what paragraph this is, but the tip is real right now, folks. The TIP IS REAL.

And to follow up that stupidity with a scene where Liz tells her sister that kissing Austin is just about the grossest thing she’s ever done, I just can’t right now. I can’t. This is too much. I feel like Big Brother should offer up more of these scenes earlier in the season. I know they run out of content to give us this late in the season, but they should realize that these scenes are typically the fan favorites, so give us more of these earlier on, too. But, honestly, after watching those two kiss on TV, who didn’t already think Austin was a terrible kisser?!? Look, I’ve never seen video of my wife and I kissing, but I can 1,000,000% guarantee that I don’t look that disgusting when I kiss her! Maybe we should play another game where if I get 100 followers on Facebook or Twitter for my new project, I’ll post a YouTube video of my wife and I kissing and all of you can judge if I’m as disgusting as Austin. So, there’s incentive for you to follow my page. I will 100% commit to that video. I promise. My wife has no say in it…

She’ll also divorce me two weeks after it’s posted…

And here we go with the whole worrying about Austin in physical comps. Why? The man has won one comp this entire season. Maybe two if I’m forgetting a Veto somewhere, but I don’t think I am. It’s not like any of the next few HoH comps are going to be arm wrestling comps, so yes John and Steve, vote out Liz! She’s won 3 HoHs and is actually smarter than Austin. That’s not saying much, but still, she’s proven herself able to win the question comps and has won some puzzle comps, as well, so PLEASE make her the target. Please. Austin isn’t going to be able to compete with you. Although in the days comp, it may benefit to have one of the twins, since they weren’t even in the house for some of those days. Hmm…interesting. I just thought of that. That puts them at an immediate disadvantage in that final HoH. I wonder if they’ll have a different game this season then.

They do bring up a good point about worrying about him teaming up with Vanessa once Liz leaves. That probably would happen, but again, she’s not stupid enough to NOT team up with whoever wins HoH, so just win those and stop worrying about things that are in the future that may never happen.

I also loved the scene where Steve wanted to tell Austin about how he may nominate him for eviction, but only ended up awkwardly watching him as he slept! What a weirdo. And I loved the time elapsed clock as Steve couldn’t even go sit somewhere else for 20 minutes, as he went back in the room every 2 minutes to check if he woke up….priceless moment in the episode.

Even better than that was when Austin actually woke up and he acted like he wasn’t trying to wake him up, and then had a mini panic attack when he did tell him that he may have to put him up. But the greatest moment was as they were walking out and Steve says, “Thank you for your maturity.” That was awesome. I think I’d be insulted if someone ever said that to me and I’d go full immature on their @ss at that moment! Kudos to Austin for not snapping his neck at that point and then blaming Judas for doing so…

At the nomination ceremony, we find out that Steve stayed true to what Vanessa wanted and Austin and Liz were nominated for eviction. And, in true form, Liz starts crying and runs off before the ceremony ends. I get it that you’re mad, but you’ve been doing this to people all season long so you can’t be that upset when you get nominated for the first time like that.

I’m really hoping that Austin wins the Veto, because you KNOW he’s taking himself off the block, and you also know that Liz is going to LOSE HER SH!T about all of that. She probably doesn’t imagine that Austin would use it on her, but in the very back of her brain, she probably still thinks that he MIGHT still use it on her and hopes that he does, but when he doesn’t, OH SH!T, she’s going full b!tch! I can’t wait…

Until then, go check out my new blog. Just do it. It’s all for you. I’m not making any money off of it, so it’s not like I’m asking you to give me money, I’m doing this for the betterment of society. I love you all as much as you love me.

I’ll see you fools on Friday…

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