Big Brother Recap – 8/3/15

To all of our surprise, we open the show at the HoH competition, which is where we left off last week. I don’t know about you, but I definitely looked up who won HoH long before tonight’s episode, so when the show started off at the HoH comp, I was a little disappointed because I already knew who won (as I’m sure many of you did, as well) and knew I’d have to put up with 20 minutes of a competition that meant nothing to me. But, I have a job to do to report this information to you all, so let’s get to that.

Meg tells us all about how it’s so important for her “friends” to win (because these fools aren’t playing the game yet and making alliances). But enough about the competition. We all have our suspicions that Meg is a serial killer. Well, to feed into that suspicion, Meg made a request for the house wake up music and that song was “Psycho Killer” by some band nobody cares about and probably never heard of, but what is important here is how she’s not just dropping little hints to us, she’s flat out TELLING US she kills people. All the time. Every single day, if I had to guess.

Speaking of crazy, we get a quick shot of Austin telling us that Liz promised him a “passionate kiss” if he wins. They replay the conversation, and he most definitely added the word “passionate” for his own good. Most definitely, she was only going to give him a peck and then use an entire tube of ChapStick to rub off the remnants of his lips on hers!

Unfortunately, he was the second person out, literally seconds after Steve. Sorry about that kiss, buddy. Guess you’ll be rubbing up that penis brain on your own the rest of the way…

At the end of the comp, we were left with Shelli, James, and Bobcat. Shelli tells us all that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to win a third HoH. Right, Shelli. It’s never a good idea to be HoH and completely safe in the house, the week after you were a part of a major blindside that you had to understand pissed off a few people in the house, and one of them was standing right next to you in the competition still hanging on at the moment. Great idea. Keep thinking that way and you’ll be sitting next to Julie in no time. But, what is a great idea is making a deal with Jason for both you and Clay to be protected this week if you jump down and allow James to win the HoH. Sure, because he HAS to live up to that deal, right?!? No matter what, if you have the chance to win an HoH, do it. Save yourself for that whole week and worry about the week after, the week after. Why are people so stupid? I’ll never get it.

After his win, James tells us that his plan is to exact revenge for his boy Jason and to go after big targets. We’d have to assume those big targets would be Shelli, Clay, and Vanessa at this point. We’ll see what he does, but from the way they’re framing this episode, we’d have to imagine it’ll be Shelli.

Shelli reiterates to Vanessa how she wanted someone other than herself to win HoH because she didn’t want to win a third HoH and make herself such a threat, but what she isn’t realizing is that she’s already a threat in the house! She should win as much as possible and pad that resume all that she can so when she’s sitting in the final two, she can rattle off all the victories she has under her belt compared to everyone else and how nobody else deserves it more than she does. But….she’s a woman and she’s worried about the feelings of everyone else, and she doesn’t want the rest of the house to feel left out from winning anything. I don’t want to waste any more time on Shelli and her wishy-washy way of playing. She’ll most likely be going home soon because of her unwillingness to dominate the competition. Kudos to being a fair person in an unfair game.

I know I said I won’t waste any more time, but one last thing – she told Clay that the last person they wanted to win (James) ended up winning. I’ll end it with this – WHY IN THE FLYING F*CK DID YOU LET HIM WIN THEN?!? I don’t want to hear the argument that she was going to fall, because that’s bullsh!t. She looked as comfortable as James did up there, she just got bored and probably had to drop a deuce and didn’t want to go in her pants. You gotta just squeeze those buttcheeks together and win that comp, Shelli. And if you don’t make it, guess what, I’m pretty sure anyone in this world would take a $500k check to crap their pants on “live” TV.

I did get a pretty hearty laugh from the Clay mumbling scene, followed by the James scaring Steve in the bathroom scene. Those are more of the things I’d like to see each week, because most of the conversations that these people have are pointless anyway, and only used by editing to try and throw us off the scent of what is going on this week. No matter what you show us, the nominations aren’t really a surprise since there’s literally about 428 websites that spoil Big Brother from the live feeds. So, feel free to show us more of the fun stuff that the houseguests’ do all throughout the day when they have nothing else to do.

After the fun stuff, we get a scene of Meg, James, Jackie, and Becky (?) talking about how Shelli needs to go. They feel that she’s the one running the show (through Clay, of course – exactly how is Clay, who hasn’t won sh!t, running things) and needs to go as soon as possible. James tells us that Shelli is his target this week, and I agree that it is probably his smartest move. Either her or Vanessa, at this point, are the only real targets to get out. Everyone else is just filler. The only question I have is why Becky was in on that conversation. We really don’t get to see much of Becky and I feel that’s because she just hugs the wall as much as she can. She’s probably a part of a lot of conversations without ever adding anything to them. So maybe she was just up there when some other people walked in, but I don’t really see her as a part of any alliance in the house or even as a friend to anyone. She’s just…there. And, I think I’d just rather have conversations without her since you can’t tell where she stands. But since the “other side” of the house isn’t even an alliance together, they probably don’t realize she’s not fully a member of their side.

And, what do you know…Becky runs straight to Clelli (oh God, now I’m using it without preemption) to semi-warn them that it’s possible that they’ll be the two nominees if they don’t start acting like they’re happy that James won and still a part of his alliance and whatever. I’m not even sure what the hell Becky was saying (and she wasn’t even mumbling) but the main point was that she wanted the two of them to know that they’re most likely going up on the block.

Afterwards, Shelli wants to run straight to Vanessa to tell her what is going on but Clay won’t let her do it because he feels that Vanessa is going to sell them out this week to save herself.

And what do you know, we get a new scene with Vanessa going right to James to basically agree to his plan to get one of Clelli out. But, in true Big Brother fashion, Vanessa SHOULD agree to that plan, because as long as it’s not you, you’re ok with that plan. You are playing this game for yourself, and just like you’ve been saying this whole episode, since she didn’t say your name to James when making the deal during the comp (because, we all know it would have sounded great if Shelli told James “I want you to promise not to nominate or backdoor me, Clay, Vanessa, Austin, Liz, or Julia this week, THANKS!!!”), you shouldn’t ever trust her again. Get that b!tch out, Vanessa!