Big Brother Recap – 8/28/15

Oh snap, Zingbot is back!! I think next season, Zingbot needs to be an entire episode. Just a full hour of Zingbot roasting these fools. It’s not like they couldn’t come up with enough material. Seriously, some of the Zing’s were fantastic this year. He’s really stepped up his game the past few seasons. Nothing will ever compare to last season’s, but some of these were priceless. The “Sucks in the City” zing for Meg took the belt for me. That one was too priceless. I want to know how someone gets this job, because I would do anything in the world to take over control of Zingbot’s Twitter. I liked the zing that started out calling Liz uglier and less intelligent, and then turned the corner and ended up zinging Julia, basically calling her uglier and more stupid. Priceless. The “friendzone” one on James was decent. The Austin smelling one didn’t really hit with us since we can’t exactly smell him nor has anyone mentioned that on the show, so I was wishing that he got zinged about his girlfriend too or maybe even something about Liz’s parents hating tattoos. But hey, we can’t expect perfection. And it’s always easy to criticize jokes after the fact because when you’re limited on time, you can’t always come up with the best zingers. And for all we know, Zingbot may actually throw out more zings that we don’t get to see. Now I’m a little upset I didn’t ask any of the folks I interviewed about that. Sh!t.

After that, we head to the Veto, which was obviously not made for folks like Meg, Austin, Johnny Mac, or even Steve. Vanessa ran away with the competition on this one. Absolutely smoked everyone. And, with that, both Steve and Mac Man’s fate is sealed that they’re staying on the block, and one of them is most definitely going home…but will have the chance to come right back into the house right away…

Vanessa and John talk about wanting to work together, putting the past behind them, and sticking together since they both feel alone in the game. I’m not sure how Vanessa feels alone in the game, but she does. But, she brings this info to Austin, who doesn’t like the idea of having to put up Meg or James “this week,” so he basically tells her no without outright telling her no. I just wish Vanessa would pull a fast one on him and use it because she has to see the writing on the wall, as well. She already knows she’s AT THE VERY LEAST a fourth wheel when it comes to Austin’s Jiz. He’s not going to take Vanessa over Liz, for certain. And I’m sure Liz would never touch his penis again if he went against Julia, however you MIGHT be able to talk me into Vanessa being ahead of Julia, but I doubt he’d be that stupid. And now with him being so adamant to not put up Meg and James, if I were her, I’d have to assume my @ss is underneath everyone in the house not named Steve or John. So why not put a wrinkle in his sheets and force him to put up one of those two?!? Have some fun, right?

Anyway, she’s not going to do it. She tells John that Austin told her no and that she can’t do it on her own (typical Big Brother these days), so John decides to break the news that he was in a five person alliance last week, which included Austin’s Jiz, that was targeting Vanessa. This comes as news to Vanessa, who is on a confrontation mission with just about everyone in the house now.

First up, Liz (or Julia, can’t tell). She asks her if it’s true and Jiz balks at it, tries to shimmy out of the conversation, but eventually “comes clean” that it was Steve’s idea. I don’t remember if it was Steve’s idea or not, but the fact that Vanessa believes her right off the bat without even talking to Steve and openly acts like a b!tch to Steve says a lot about Vanessa in this game. Wasn’t she just recently talking about how she was so quick to believe what other people were saying and how it ruined her game (with Austin)? But here she is, talking to someone she’s confronting about trying to get her out of the game, and this person deflects guilt off of them and places it onto another person, and she’s just ready to take that as fact? I’m not sure Vanessa ever wins at poker ever again in her life, because if I’m a poker player and I see this season of Big Brother, I’m just going to be at the table like, “Yep, I got a pair of Aces” or “You know, Vanessa, I know I folded, but Jerry over there told me he only has a 6 and a 3 and is bluffing you.” I mean, she has to believe what people are saying to her, right? Good luck in the future, Vanessa.

Anyway, she eventually confronts Steve about it, who basically passes out standing up. Way to convince her it wasn’t you, Stevie Blunder. Geez, I guess I don’t need to go back and find out if Steve was the one who came up with the plan because it’s obvious it was him, or he feels as if it was him who came up with it, even though it was all of them at once, to be honest. I think we might need to continue to monitor Steve throughout this week, though, because his heart may explode at some point the more he has to take those death stares from Vanessa.

As we all figured, Vanessa did not use the Veto to save either one of those guys, so it appears that Mac is heading home and hopefully we don’t have to hear that laugh anymore. And I’m not really sure who I want to come back in the game now. I guess Jackie, maybe. Becky’s an idiot, so I don’t think I’d care to see her. Shelli, maybe, only because she’d definitely gun for Vanessa (until they both cried to each other, of course), so maybe not her. I don’t know. I feel they’re all lost causes at this point and it doesn’t really matter who comes back.

But, let’s find out anyway…

First off, let me just say that Julie Chen confuses me sometimes. There are times when I feel that she’s semi attractive and other times when I know she isn’t. I think it’s all based around what she’s wearing and how her hair is done, but tonight, she was leaning more on the half decent side of things. Now, in no way am I putting her on my top 5,000 list or anything like that, but just saying that she’s a might confusing one.

Anyway, she’s also a liar. Austin didn’t just “take the safe route” this week, he took the only route he was ever going to take. He was never going to nominate or backdoor Vanessa, so quit it, Julie. Whatever you rang my doorbell to sell, I’m not buying. And the plan to send home John or Steve wasn’t going to backfire, even with one of them is the one who earns their way back in the game. I’m sure those two would go along with the way everyone else has been playing the game and get out the least likely to win the game.

This whole thing with Vanessa being so mad at Steve is hilarious to me. I get it that it’s semi personal to her and that she’s really just mad at him because she felt they were good friends. But honestly, she’s truly mad at him because he’s a sissy and is letting her get away with being that mad at her. If he just stepped up and told her like an adult human being that this is a game and he’s trying to keep his @ss in it so of course he was making side deals with people THE SAME WAY SHE HAS BEEN DOING, she would cool off on him. But instead he gets all tongue tied and practically passes out in front of her, so she sees that she can just unload on him and get all her anger and frustration out on him, so why not? Everyone likes an easy target, right? Seriously, if I were in that house, I’d call Vanessa out on all of her bullsh!t. She’s in alliances with people that Steve isn’t “in” on, so why should it matter if Steve is doing similar things. Oh, now you’re a target so you’re angry? Funny how that works.

And Liz confronting Johnny to try and salvage his jury vote and not make herself a target if he stays was comical. If you want to get on someone’s good side, Liz, you don’t go and get confrontational with them. You put him on the block, Austin put him on the block, yet you’re expecting him NOT to try and out you for the sh!t you’re trying to pull on people you’re aligned with, when you’re also supposed to be aligned with him? If I were John, I would have laughed in her face, then pulled my pants down and just peed on her face right there in the backyard. I’m so tired of Liz and I can’t imagine having to spend that many days locked inside with her and the way she talks, so peeing on her would be justifiable in a court of law at this point. “Your Honor, I have placed into evidence, 71 days of this woman talking, so as you can see me peeing on her face was truly justifiable…”

More Steve and Vanessa fighting. I love how she’s only mad at Steve, too. She’s ok with Johnny, and wants to work with him in the future, and is ok with Austin (who she once didn’t trust, either) and the twins (who she just got done questioning her position on their totem pole) being a part of this alliance to get her out, but Steve is a jackwad for it? You’re such a peach, Vanessa. It’s a damn game that everyone is trying to win $500,000 – they’re not their trying to build friendships. If friendships do come from it, that’s great, but you can’t really take something like what Steve did too personal because he’s just trying to save his @ss at this point. You remember all of those times you sold out Shelli, Clay, Austin, or anyone else in YOUR alliance to save yourself? Yeah, didn’t think so. You’re the worst type of person, Vanessa. I can’t stand hypocrites and the way you’re acting in this game needs to be called out by someone so badly, but you just lucked out being in the house with a bunch of sissies, so enjoy your tirades for now…