Big Brother Recap – 7/3/15

Quick tangent (about the game this time), we open the show with “Johnny Mac” talking. Nobody cares what he’s talking about because all I hear is an annoying screech in my ear. But, himself calling himself “Johnny Mac” reminds me of a video I saw on Twitter about him trying to put the mack moves on Vanessa. They were doing some high-five thing and he tried to then grab her hand and rub her fingers, but she totally pulled her hand away as any woman would do to a creepy, dead-looking man. First off, mac man, she’s a lesbian. Second, actually I don’t have a second, she’s a lesbian and you have no shot. She doesn’t want your male, clammy, death hands all over her…

After him in the Diary Room, we get James and Jason half-struggling to do the math on how many votes they need to get Jace out. Once they get to the final number of 7 votes needed, they work on securing those votes. James tells us about his thinking in who he wants on his side, and we learn about how he decides things in his life and that he accepts anyone who looks like Taylor Swift into his inner circle. And it just so happens that he believes Jeffrey Dahmer’s daughter, Meg, looks like Taylor Swift, and he would like nothing more than to work with her and marry her and give her Asian, country, outdoorsman, serial killer babies. After her, they decide to bring in Clay, Audrey, and Da’Vonne. They obviously didn’t do too well in math, because that’s six people. But little did they know, Audrey was on top of things and would do everything she could to get that seventh…and eighth…and ninth….and fourteenth.

Da’Vonne lets us all in on a little secret – the secret that this alliance isn’t going to last. Oh Da’Vonne, don’t think we don’t know that already! That alliance is more than shaky, it’s a fault line that’s about to erupt into a record-setting earthquake.

We get the prerequisite composite scene that helps explain why the houseguests’ want to backdoor Jace. He decides to streak in the backyard as Steve tries to bench press 15 pounds and Austin tries to teach gymnastics to the ladies. Nobody is amused in the slightest at his attempt to be funny and connect with the group. It appears that he’s just annoyed the people to the point where nothing he does can be funny. I know a few people in my life like that and it is excruciating when they try and pull stunts to make you laugh and you just stand there staring at them wishing either you or they would die because life sucks really hard at that moment. I’m quite certain that’s how a few of the houseguests’ felt as they watched him run around with the hat covering his junk. Even the gay guy had no interest in seeing his penis. He just kept on keeping on with that cigarette in his mouth. And then we cut to Jace in the bathroom, putting his clothes back on, with the biggest sh!t-eating grin on his face like he just closed to a standing ovation at The Comedy Store. In all honesty, I have always wished I was delusional like Jace is when it comes to other people’s thoughts and feelings about me. You know the type that don’t catch on to social cues and always assume everyone likes hearing about their night and what they had for dinner and the cars they passed on the highway on their way to work that morning. We all know those people. Don’t you wish for one day, you could be that person? I want to if even for just an hour. Just to see what it’s like to not notice the people NOT LOOKING AT YOU when you’re talking to them, NOT TALKING TO YOU even though you asked them a question, and generally looking completely uninterested in the conversation this person has been having with you (but essentially, themselves) the entire time. I have known a few people in my days who will strike up a conversation with me as I’m typing on my phone or listening to music with headphones on and I’m just left thinking why? What made them think that at that point in time, as I’m doing something with my life, that I wanted to hear their stupid story that has nothing to do with me, the work we do together, or anything? And it’s not like they start it off with “Hey Scott, are you busy right now?” They just dive right into the story and even though I missed half the story while my headphones were on, they don’t start over and just keep continuing like they didn’t even notice I had headphones on and had to take them off and ask them “Are you talking to me?”

So yeah, that’s Jace in a nutshell, I’d imagine. And exactly why people want him gone. And when Austin tells him that people seem annoyed by him, the shock on Jace’s face tells the entire story about his delusional thoughts on how much he believes people like him. He marches right upstairs to talk to James to find out where his head is at. And before James can even finish a sentence, Jace goes right into forming an alliance with everyone in the room. And before they can even agree to the partnership, Jace and Austin are already trying to figure out a name for the team. So, the team of Jace, Austin, Audrey, and James will forever be known as “Cloud Town.” It’s safe to say that Austin’s range of creativity begins and ends with the word “Town.” Shell Town and now Cloud Town?!? What the hell is a cloud town, anyway? I think I’ll like Austin a lot more when Jace is gone.

Next up was the Da’Vonne “issue.” Reader Niki Slaton recapped the situation with a “So you admittedly are snooping around the house and someone calls you out so you go “Inglewood” on the in the first week? Gee…I wonder if they knew you were crazy when they cast you? Way to perpetuate stereotypes.” First Niki, they absolutely knew she was f*cking crazy when they cast her. It’s why she was cast. I had the exact same takeaway from this whole scenario with how she admitted to snooping around and her reaction to them trying to figure out why you were in the room by yourself was completely uncalled for. However, in her defense, it mostly stems from the fact that she already dislikes Shelli, so at that point anything Shelli does is just going to piss her off, so I get it. But, the whole thing was just plain silly and uncalled for, and exactly the reason why I think I’d be the first voted out if I ever played this game. Something as simple as walking into a room when nobody else is in there can cause you to be next up on the chopping block. I’m not saying Da’Vonne will be, but this whole outburst didn’t help her earn votes if she ever is up on the block. She needs to understand that the same way Jeff and Clay came to her to apologize is the same position she needs to take in the house. She needs to be apologetic towards the others even if she’s not sorry. Yelling at people and feeding into the situation to just piss people off more is not the way you’re going to strike up alliances and win over the other houseguests. I hate to say this, but this is exactly the reason why a “b!tchy” female has, and never will win Big Brother. A man can be an outwardly a-hole (Evel Dick) and win this show, but when women do it, it just comes off completely different and it becomes a whole scene, and is mostly started over something as stupid as hearing someone else playing the game and you not liking how they’re playing it so you get all pissy about it and start petty fights. And before people start talking about double standards, I don’t buy into that, either. Men and women aren’t meant to act differently, it’s the approach to the actions that is different. And that’s not a double standard, that’s just life.

I’ll stop myself from digressing here. I could probably talk for hours on this topic and be all kinds of offensive and wrong, but I won’t do that to you all. Or ya’ll, if I can Clay up my speech.